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The Hour of Departure

The Hour of Departure
Time keeps its secrets
Silently...

None know when
what may happen.

Today we wait
outside the ICU
as the docs decide
on behalf of the unknown power
is this the appointed hour

They chose
but unknowingly
the hour of isolation

today is a Tuesday
and the time of loneliness
that has its own to say

the hour has come all say
wait till two/four A.M. tonight.

He should pass away!

If not
then there is the light
beyond tonight
it is blindingly bright
called Divine light!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Great write.
I love it.

It is probably how death feels when visits.
You marked the time,
the precision gives an uncanny feeling
of approaching indifferent deity or void.

The poem could benefit from further development, including more details,
descriptions, feelings. It almost feels like minimalistic art. I am sure if you revisit the images that where in you mind and try to describe them in more details, you could tell us more of your story. With this said I hope you forgive my intrusive curiosity, sincerely

IRiz

It was composed as my driver was honking and waiting for me
Time was too short
shall apprise all soonly
The time for Pm read AM tonight
entered wrongly..
will be back may be early morning
calculations only

author comment

AM of course!
There is something ambivalent in the hour.
Ambient light or that mysterious lack of energy that often feels at the sunrise time or perhaps just a few minutes before .

IRiz

I will change my stance
okay alright
till Saturday's last light

beyond that he may live- not right
for if he does
I must Bow
to some POWER UNKNOWN
proven by being totally
mistaken ...

A body has inner reserves
some overcome the negative swerves
others just flow away

let's see what this guy
has to portray
beyond Saturday
only heaven knows
I may now only say

Good night for today
sleepy are my eyes
tired now imaging
the whole day
in isolation in my
inimitable way

author comment

sleep tight and
wake up strong
the best of luck
to you
and the one you love
and if he chooses to leave
remember
death is not the end
my thoughts
are with you
my dear friend

IRiz

I just read a Review of Sink the Titanic

What if Rose had adjusted some place for Jack
both could have lived happily thereafter .

But the''' Director'' thought of the art differently...
LIFE AND DEATH
as a departing pair
the end would have been meaningless to share
had Jack survived...... .

So it now comes to my mind
what if he survives
without VENTILATOR
of an ICU
but a local one but within a changed environment
If he does
then we our views on Euthanasia
have to change
as a must-MUST

No one should decide
when and how and where
one should die
I surmise
would you it surprise
do apprise
er the next sunrise

author comment

Be hopeful, grateful, loving
and life will give you the answer.
Until then just wait
there is nowhen to rush

IRiz

my hands
has no other choice
BUT
the one ''just passed away''
this evening...
May his soul...
if there be one
stay Blessed ...

After the cremation tomorrow
I will post another
fresh one

I was off mark by just a day
To divinity....
if there be any
You and all do pray ...

''We all have not come
to live for ever
but to live a life worthy enough
we have to live through
and must endeavour''

You all also know
there is nothing new
in permanent departures.

author comment

True

IRiz

one of your better writes. I'm sorry that it is of such a sad occasion. I agree that it has the feel of minimalistic art, but I think that is what makes it what it is, which is, really good! Why I say that this is one of your better works, is that you usually make the poem too complicated, in trying to give it a mysterious quality. This works much better. It already has a feel of mystery, being that it tells of death and the question of when. I really like the first three lines: "The hour of departure
Time keeps it's secrets
Silently"

You were absolutely right to keep these three lines as single sentences. It set the tone.
I was a little thrown off by the line that goes; "and the time of loneliness
that has it's own to say"
Not quite sure how to interpret that. I think that if you work that line over, you will have one of your best works in a while. ~ Gee.
.

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the whole day has taken its toll
let me rest a while
till I know later
what more I can share with you all

This is as factual
like my
MOM'S SMILES
I posted the other day
of my moms passing away
5 decades away.

This is today's occurrence
partial true until Saturday
when recompose it I may

Good night
for today

author comment

and I agree with the many comments. Your poem catches the feeling in that situation, which too many of us have experienced.

The only work I might suggest on the poem, technically, is to avoid repeating words: such as

that has its own to say
(followed by)
the hour has come all say

or

then there is the light
beyond tonight
it is blindingly bright
called Divine light!

If you want to keep the rhyme scheme there are many ways, like...

from darkness comes the sight
beyond tonight
it is blindingly bright
called Divine light!

Thanks for sharing a good poem

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

This was my briefest poem
composed instantly
off the cuff
in less than 5 minutes

I went and came
and have a new idea in my brain
there surely lies
a wide difference
between human
doctors and divine
only VENTILATORS
now can Life define

keeping that in mind
perhaps till Saturday
we all shall have to wait
will he still survive
is a big Question mark
that ahead of us still lies .

I shall then my total poem revise,...

Till then
as I usually say
KINDLY ABIDE WITH ME
Till the final day
you all also may

author comment

Know that you are known in the universe and beyond, there in that light all reason and meaning will become known, this is a journey of learning, let us not waste a moment.
Go well we will walk with you, if fear comes in just whisper our names and we will hold you,
Yours Ian.. and the Children..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

I only help others
to brave the eventuality
the guy is still breathing

wait till Saturday still
We will..
to decide
who is Divine
man or the Unknown
KIND

I now feel
the Unknown will win
blokes who have my kind
of a supercilious mind...

author comment

the one just passed away
this evening...
May his soul... if there be one
stay Blessed ...
After the cremation tomorrow
I will post another fresh one

I was off mark by just a day
To divinity....
if there be any
all do pray ...

We all have not come to live for ever
but to live a live worthy enough
we have to live through and must endeavour

You all also know
there is nothing new
in permanent departures.

author comment

On His Passing Away

''We all have not come
to live forever
but to live a life
worthy enough
we have to live through
and
must endeavour''

TRIBUTE

My heart sweats tears of happiness and sorrows
I have observed with keen silence and quietude
the suffering of our dear patient
and
the patience showered by his spouse
these past ten years...
has been astoundingly incredible
but loving ones do endear.

Today at this hour of grief,
like my mom died a half century away
I did not cry...
In fact I only controlled my inner emotions
my throat choked.

Is it sorrow or is it grief
whatever it is, it’s a great relief
to the ill one now rested
in the far folds of limitless eternity
and
left his family to endure peace

They all were waiting for this day
God be with the one who loses
LIFE is a one way ticket only
all by now really know it
Amen friends
‘twas a saddened end
my amends...

author comment

There in the infinite energy, of the universal energy, a ripple was felt, as it was joined by your friend, where there is no time or need for anything other than love. This being so you are there already and here, his presence is eternal, and there you can once again talk to each other of all the things that you held dear.
Accept my thoughts for you both that in the ways to be, all you have to do is whisper their names,
Yours as always, Grandad Ian and the Children xx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

with all my love
thanks for cementing
our friendship

now he will be cremated
as per his wishes

author comment

cremation for myself. When my body is finally disposed of I want to be sure that I am dead.
I am sorry for your loss, allow yourself to grieve. Time really is a great healer, as I was assured when I needed comfort. It didn't help at that time but eventually...

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Kind words coming from friends like you
make me believe
the world still has good ones
like us
Thanks
Lord Buddha had said
to reduce suffering
remove the pain

I have so advised the family
easier said than obeyed
but as you so beautifully say
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''Time really is a great healer.....'''
so 'tis...
amen

author comment

all ordain..
I had posted another piece
on this saddened day
''HE PASSED AWAY.''

Do lend your silent breath
and sympathy display
whatever, if you may

The soul towards eternity
has been since past four days
Adieu we may now gracefully say
He had finally passed away.

author comment
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