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Homeless At Christmas

Submitted by chevyvent on Thu, 2016-12-22 10:07

Homeless At Christmas

Outside they hide beneath the garb of silence
Cold hands poised together to keep warm
The time has come for Christmas is near
They shed a tear to help numb the inner pain
Hearts torn in desolation leaning toward the grave
All shapes and sizes of people who are living in the street alone
A biiter chill goes threw the corridors where they sleep at night
The sorrowful memory of what it used to be with family & friends
Through a doorway of hope we can cope with the agony
Do they know it's Christmas time or are they to blind
The inner pain that they feel inside will hide
Back in the alley they survive along the vast corridor
In the streets they wander looking for food to fill their stomachs
There faces are filled with darkened lines of resistance
To sleep is a luxury along the pathway that they tread.
The soup kitchens are now filled up for the almost walking dead
A smile may brighten their earthly existence
To carry on in the night cardboard boxes filled with fright
What will santa bring to each of their hearts
Homeless at Christmas the true test to love a lonely soul
The death toll is climatic amidst the tragic circumstances
Give what you can to those hearts beating alone in the night

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Sparrow

Fri, 2016-12-23 19:44

Sparrow's picture
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A good write once again.
It would be as effective if put into a poetry form a poetry form, but I have mentioned this before.
Try shorter lines they will have the same impact as long ones, just that the choice of words will make your head ache.
One line on this one needs to be sorted:-
A biiter (bitter)chill goes threw (through)the corridors where they sleep at night..
These are words that are not picked up on the comp as they are spelt OK but the meaning is different,
Threw is the effect, he threw a ball..
Take care, Yours Ian..

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

valene

Fri, 2016-12-23 22:11

Unfortunately your words ring true. While the holiday season is known for bringing families together, bountiful feasts, amazing light displays, etc......there are those, the homeless you speak of, who don't see it as a happy time. They don't have the luxury to because they're focusing on hoping to find a safe place to sleep and food that doesn't come from garbage cans. Also if they had known a life that included family, friends, a job, etc...this season is an even more depressing reminder of what they once had.
There is one line: 'Through a doorway of hope we can cope with the agony,' did you mean to say 'we' or 'they?' I'm not sure how the 'we' fits since throughout the entire poem you're speaking of the homeless and refer to them as 'they.'
Although I agree if you were to format it a bit differently so it flows better, you're ending is powerful and sends an important message.

Best wishes!
valene

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