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His Story of a Fish Tale

Alone, I found myself with kids all grown
so I guess fate had given the nod,
there was nothing at all hindering me
so I decided to sail abroad.

I'd always yearned to see Europe
it appeared I'd been granted my wish,
so I traveled through England and Scotland, too
where I was also allowed to go fish!

When I returned I met with my daughter
for some ale, and a three foot-long sub;
I wanted to share of my journey
so we went to our favorite "pub".

I was excited and telling of villages
where I had fished, and made some new pals,
my daughter was listening, but had to go home
leaving me in the pub with two gals!

I thought I would speak to these ladies
two large gals from a shanty in Scottland,
I shared where I had gone fishing
and explained that my trip was just, grand!

l welcomed them to my part of America
as we sipped of libations, and tales;
I toasted of large women from Scotland
when they both shouted out, "No, it's WALES!"

I immediately corrected my error
and toasted of whales from Scotland, too;
the next thing I knew I was waking up
with my lips, pride, and eyes "black & blue"!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I much liked the sense of humor all through the piece .
and the play with words in the title and in the word 'whales' and 'Wales'

However , if this were mine (I wish I can write like this) I 'd sort the lines in fours so as to read something like this:

Alone, I found myself with kids all grown
so I guess fate had given the nod,
there was nothing at all hindering me
so I decided to sail abroad.

I'd always yearned to see Europe
it appeared I'd been granted my wish,
so I traveled through England and Scotland, too
where I was also allowed to go fish!

When I returned I met with my daughter
for some ale, and a three foot-long sub;
I wanted to share of my journey
so we went to our favorite "pub".

I was excited and telling of villages
where I had fished, and made some new pals,
my daughter was listening, but had to go home
leaving me in the pub with two gals!

I thought I would speak to these ladies
two large gals from Newfoundland,
I shared where I had gone fishing
and explained that my trip was just, grand!

l welcomed them to my part of America
as we sipped of libations, and tales;
I toasted of large women from Scotland
when they both shouted out, "No, it's WALES!"

I immediately corrected my error
and toasted of whales from Scotland, too;
the next thing I knew I was waking up
with my lips, pride, and eyes "black & blue"!

But know the decision is all yours because I have enjoyed it any way

Thanks for sharing .

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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...I appreciate your kind words. Believe it or not, I originally had it in as you would've fashioned it....but thought otherwise. Go figure. At any rate, I've revisited that decision, thanx to you.
Sincerely, thanx.
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

...thank-you for BOTH reading, AND commenting!
Sincerely,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

a fun tale... is this a whole story doc, or are you going to add to it?

I love the humour and the word-play, especially with ‘whales’ and ‘wales’…

one tiny thing – there are a lot of ‘so’s
perhaps you could change a few lines, so as there are not so many of them?

also – perhaps (imo I stress) it would be an easier read if the meter was a little more tight
but as I say, that is just me probably

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

...a silly ass joke, really....I'm pleased it brought a grin. No, I'm going to abandon this one, (translation:syn;"done deal"); and try and finished this fiasco I've started putting effort into, and have recieved but, an ailing yield.
Maybe, in the long run it'll be a grin/grin situation!?
doc :-{)

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment
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