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HIGH NOON

HIGH NOON

In the U. S. of A. (where the antelopes play)
A land-rush had given men hope;
With no money to pay, they had reason to stay
And put roots down, their families could cope.

But some of these men were alone, had to send
For a wife from the east, say, New York
One such was the male, in this terrible tale
(Asked for one who was used to hard work.)

They met at the station, close by the Sioux nation
His bouncing old buckboard she’s grabbin’
As the mule pulled them west, she saw stains on his vest;
She wondered how clean was the cabin.

Two miles down the track, his mule stopped for a snack
Of the grass at the side of the way
The farmer then cussed and spat in the dust
Yelling “That’s number 1! first today!”

Another two miles and the absence of smiles
Gave the woman a strange sense of dread,
For the mule stopped again, grazing, farmer by then blazing
“That’s number 2!”’s all she heard.

The poor eastern wife got the fright of her life
When the mule stopped again for a feed
For the farmer jumped down – shot it right in the crown
And the mule died because of its greed.

She thought it disgraceful to carry her case full
Of stuff, while he carried the gun.
She bitterly moaned to the farmer who groaned
And then cussed and said “That’s number 1”.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

not at all what I expected when I first began reading...I thought it was wonderful!!! Three strikes and you're out with this gentlemen! Doesn't put up with any nonsense, complaining or greed. The lines flowed nicely together and your use of language was appropriate to say the least. Great write!!! (I feel bad for his wife).

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Thanks, Carrie, glad it gave you a laugh and hope to entertain you with some more rhymes as soon as I can get myself fired up .
Regards
Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment

Bloody funny!
I think you chose what I would consider to be the hardest verse form of all to write a poetic story in. There are some lines, for example line 12 in verse three - "On the road would get them to his cabin" that I think could be re-written to fit the form better, but overall, I like the story, the sentiment, and the twist at the end.
You pulled it off.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Thanks for taking the time to write me, Jim, and for the pointers. I know it is a long way from the polished turd of the finished article but it was an idea I had, a joke to be converted into a poem, that seems to give a good result. (try my "Deception" for another refurbished old joke). I'm glad it made you laugh, Cheers!

Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment

A good fun write with a little history in there,
like losing a nail then losing a battle, as if ????
Gave a fun start to the yesterday,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Glad you enjoyed it, Ian, I must try to avoid the nails, though, especially the very large ones ;
From the giant squid and the giant sea snail poem;
"If you want to find one, don't do what I did;
Looked in a giant's wallet - there was a giant's quid !
When he tried to grab me I let out a wail,
For on each of his fingers - there was a giant's nail !"

Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment

I am in a jam I is a smashed mashed strawberry,
And I Hate fruit flies, so I peel my banana's in a fridge.
Talking of digits of a giant, have you seen what the smaller ones do.
I have written out for you the travels of digitery and what he do's
Maybe he is a hollow pipe from Aussie I will leave that to you.
Have a great day out there,
Yours Ian.T of the Howard's of Norfolk La La

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

This is cheeky and very clever I agree with Jim that line could be streamlined

"On the road would get them to his cabin"

other than that its again very clever and a good laugh(I needed the laugh) ;)

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

I'm glad you enjoyed this short poem, based on Freud
Or it might have been Engel, with tongue in a tengle!
Whoever it was, ( don't discount Santa Clause)
I'm so glad you smiled, it so pleased this old child.

love Ian xx

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment
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