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Hiding Wounds

Submitted by scooby on Tue, 2018-08-28 17:07

Bruise don't hide easily under white skin,
tears don't hide easy when you keep them in,
I have broken arms and legs, but I don't need a crutch
I've gained a lot of weight so I won't eat lunch.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

themoonman

Wed, 2018-08-29 03:11

themoonman's picture
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Most promising according to title (to me),
all is subjective but only what I think matters
to me lol.
I think you've a great beginning here, feels more
is bubbling just beneath the wound.
Those wound vacs take forever to heal ...

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