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He's back!

Submitted by Nilmini on Mon, 2012-10-01 12:59

‘He’s back... he’s back..!’
I want to shout out
He has finally come back
After weeks in absence....
Felt his presence all the time
But couldn’t see those loving eyes
Fingers touched him with ease
Though I struggled to reach the mind
Had no problem with the word flow
Yet, for a conversation I could die
Oh... how badly did I miss him
When he was right by my side....
Days spent under fear and suspense
Have finally come to an end
The tinted window’s now open
Giving glimpse of the sun shine
Have no clue why ever he closed it
But I’m too glad even to ask
‘He’s back... he’s back’ my heart sings
Yet wonders... 'For how long?'

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
I've written this at a time when I was confused with my husbands behavior. Males are truly amazing creatures (fondly called so)... only a genius can understand them!
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

loved

Mon, 2012-10-01 14:39

loved's picture

you smile
as he is back
you are enamoured too,
but a darker fear within resides,
for how long will the season of re-love
have its stride,
forgetting all past occurrences beside.

loved

loved

Tue, 2012-10-02 03:03

loved's picture

delete one duplicate by error i see

loved

Nilmini

Tue, 2012-10-02 10:44

Nilmini's picture

Dear Loved.
I simply love your comments on my humble work. They are so poetic and full of new words! And I see that you've just caught my feelings too, which I was trying to express through this poem.
Cheers!
Ps. Thanks for pointing out the double entries. I don't know why it keeps happening. But I've deleted one.

author comment

loved

Sun, 2012-10-14 02:29

loved's picture

you are very young and beautiful
well accomplished poet
keep it up
for poetry is simply
an expression of one’s inner feelings,
not necessarily of one’s own
but also imbibed from family and friends…
no one can express what you do yourself,
others can only change
a dot and comma
here and there
then say this is much better
can you see?
May be!

loved

Ian.T

Wed, 2012-10-03 10:10

Ian.T's picture
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There is no way that anyone can understand the males behaviour where the females of the species are concerned.
That you wait and are glad when they return no matter what in some cases, shines from your heart.
A sadness flies over the nest as the pair are one again only one awaits in fear for the wind to change.
You take great care and this is a lovely write, Yours, Ian.T

PS:- I have read through all of your words and would like to read what you see around you from your inner self, where you can look at a flower or object and move among its being..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Nilmini

Wed, 2012-10-03 10:33

Nilmini's picture

Your words are really encouraging. I'm an amateur to poetry and would appreciate any kind of guidence that you could offer, so that I may improve myself.
I'm happy to take your invitation to write on what I see around me. But could you please explain me more what you meant by "....would like to read what you see around you from your inner self, where you can look at a flower or object and move among its being.."
Cheers!

author comment

Ian.T

Wed, 2012-10-03 10:42

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

To look at a rose from the inside,
feel those petals as they open,
glimpse the love that they are carrying.
See the one they are given to.

Look at the stars see the vast spaces,
shinning black between their forms.
Take the planets ride with them
Circle the suns you can feel.

Let all these things ring out from your pen as it seems that you can write very well,
If you are stuck just ask any of the poets or people that are here we are here to help in any way,
I look at theme's, as form is for those that are taught Poetry the best are the classics they have what is called true form,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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