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Here...

Sinuous as any snake
the tendrils of temptation
Sweet frosting on the cake

Having more than you can eat
and saving some for later
Something you can't beat

Fermentation of dreams come true
Wishes almost fulfilled
but not for every man's view

Oh, what wonders I can dream
here in my solitude... my space
The milk above the cream

Safe in the mind, no one can hear
the screams of suffocation
No sound will reach your ear

Complacent in your reverie
you look around
But you don't see the real me

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Nice, dark share. I am not sure what I've missed here. I loved the imagery of the 'milk above the cream' though I thought 'screams of suffocation' might be cliched.
Though you've shared an amount of sad feelings coming as a result of lonliness,I thought you could have extended your thoughts more among the last few stanzas to tell a longer story unless it is intended as is.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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