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HER MAJESTY

Submitted by John Lars Zwerenz on Fri, 2021-05-07 14:16

HER MAJESTY

I ventured out beneath the pale
Oceanic sky in the summery heat;
My thoughts were of my lover, soft, discreet,
When I found her dreaming on a rosy dale.

Her eyes were dark and of ancient folk lore;
They shimmered like diamonds in the gilded lights,
And beamed like streams from angelic nights,
From that lovely Carolingian gaze she bore.

JOHN LARS ZWERENZ

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Workshop: 
NARRATIVE POETRY SHOP (Let's get started)
Contest: 
Neopoet Random Challenge 3
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

scribbler

Fri, 2022-08-12 15:50

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Sounds like a rhyme of the olden poets.I have 2 suggestion : line 3 , omit were. Line 5 try "her eyes were the dark of ancient folk lore." Just a couple of ideas you might consider

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