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Hello my spermodicae

Why we all love dads
Without his sperms contribution
no woman's oven
would have shared in distribution
of worlds much needed population
we all wouldn't have been born

so thank pops all of you
and for having kept moms warm

now in return
we with all our love
on our lovely pops storm

keep his memory for ever strong
pop can you hear me
that's our love's norm

stay warm where ever you may be
pops are a rarity
they only love you really
moms' have many
alternatives,
yes alternatives
they easily change hubbies

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I liked the juxtaposition between the light-hearted opening and then the subtle hints at loss and your opinion on mothers and fathers. I say bring that juxtaposition out further. Give the voice more power. Then the ending show me the voices sadness just a tiny bit more. But wow, I found the way you switched tone extremely powerful and I can't wait to read more of what you've written.

Nick.

encouragement is the stepping stone
to raise levels of poetry
by simple poets like me

author comment

I was about to remove this
when I came across your lovely comment
so I'd let it stay for a while
my neo poet
new friend

author comment
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