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Hello Dawn

Submitted by loved on Fri, 2012-03-30 11:11

Hello Dawn
You are that dawn of life
most folks hanker to see,
you are that sunrise too,
we all that always knew...
I am the sunset of a distant horizon
and
you think I am as far as the Amazon,
but remember this from far
those who appreciate you,
it’s a bliss
the heavenly kiss...
the truth is this
but we all turn a blind eye
always at it
the truth...
if it were so for him too
his heart would let you know
but there is a mystery too,
sometimes even hearts don't know...
such love abounds
between two souls ,
who see each other as life's goal
and
one among them is you
how I wish
the other one knew...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Thu, 2012-04-05 04:09

Ian.T's picture
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I love this piece and it read ok I would have made a little change where you say:-
I am the sunset of a distant horizon
that you think I am as far as the Amazon,
but remember this from far
those who appreciate you,
it’s a bliss... Etc:- it is that you could add that a sunset is someone's sunrise, then this would bring you closer or that you would return, not sure where this is going so I will set, Yours Ian

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

loved

Thu, 2012-04-05 09:10

loved's picture

perhaps I shall have to modify the verse
as you have suggested Thanks

loved

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