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My friend
is trying
not to scratch me.

But still
his feet stomp,
metal thorns ring.

He can't
hear white noise
of my poems.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
Editing stage: 


I liked the Title as well as the content of this poem...would "whistle" be a good replacement to "white"..I recon whistle is a monosyllable...just a thought...even white is good..

raj (sublime_ocean)

The replacement would change the meaning
White noise means something that exist on the background like a rustle of leaves and sounds of rain or wind.


author comment

Oh Ok...makes sense to me now...

raj (sublime_ocean)

when treading
carefully on eggs

poor lone
efforts are futile

it's better
to show your nature.

Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

I agree.
Thank you for a poetic reply!


author comment
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