Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

hedgehogfriend

My friend
is trying
not to scratch me.

But still
his feet stomp,
metal thorns ring.

He can't
hear white noise
of my poems.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I liked the Title as well as the content of this poem...would "whistle" be a good replacement to "white"..I recon whistle is a monosyllable...just a thought...even white is good..

raj (sublime_ocean)

The replacement would change the meaning
White noise means something that exist on the background like a rustle of leaves and sounds of rain or wind.

IRiz

author comment

Oh Ok...makes sense to me now...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Sometimes
when treading
carefully on eggs

poor lone
echidna's
efforts are futile

perhaps
it's better
to show your nature.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

I agree.
Thank you for a poetic reply!

IRiz

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.