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Hearts Of Wales

Valley’s of the Mind

My valleys and hills and mountains bare.
Tell stories of love spoons and things to share
yet hidden deep is a trust of your fellow man
where mines are carved by man's hands.

Listen well to those words singing in your heart
they are of the Spirit that I wish we had taught.
Lost tears for all those times gone by
yet the valleys will live again you'll hear them sigh

Come home to my beauty that only a spirit can see
it will be there for our eternity if we only believe.
I shall soon be saying goodbye to all
though I may still have to live many a fall

One day in the quiet of the day or evenings swell
you will hear my voice in your ear then you can tell
of a person whose poetry met your life
that told you of a gentle light, that would claim him so.

His guide will tell him when it is time to go
So listen to the talking of the breeze and singing bird
There in the windswept trees we all love
He will sing a song of a wonderous life so long

Where he, lived, loved and grew, felt he belonged
in spirit throughout the years, so smile, no more tears.
Just a few words to fill the valleys of his mind.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I have pulled a Loved on this one and posted something I wrote as a comment to another poet.. Thanks also to Jess for his fine suggestions.
Editing stage: 

Comments

You have found your poetic voice. It cried out for a reading.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1QSkJfrHFce

A couple of niggles:

Don't like the title, perhaps
"The Heart Of Wales" would suffice.

where mines are carved by many a hand.
perhaps
where mines are carved by man's hands

Listen good to those words singing in your heart [listen well, no excuse for bad grammar]

of a person you once met on a poetry site [site?]
perhaps
of a person whose poetry met your life

He will sing a song of a wonderful life so long [wondrous?]

This piece has depth and resonance, my friend.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thank you very much for your voice over on this one, you made it more real than just a think, I hope that Mand will hear this one and enjoy the influence that her poem made on one that has lived in Wales and loved the country.
I have corrected all of the things you spoke of, thank you.
You take care and have a great holiday down there, listen for the Kookaburra that will shout at you, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

A gentle writing as usual from your pen. It always sends a sense of relaxation to the mind and the spirit as well. I especially liked the reference to the "valleys of the mind" in the last stanza and thought it well suits as a title but it is yours and you know better of course. Thanks for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I wrote this as a comment to Mand on the piece the Heart of Wales but then did a Loved on it and put it on stream as a separate poem.
Thank you for your thoughts as you read through and I am glad that it can bring a quiet to you.
Not sure if you have a Holiday out there but be at peace and enjoy just being, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

The valleys and hills and mountains bare? Of your mind? Could you explain how the mountains of you mind are bare please also how the hills and the valley's of your mind, also be bare too? And when you've done that explain how they then speak of love spoons ( whatever they are ) and the things they have to share? Then there is the mines are they of your mind too and how do they come into the poems context? As usual you are inspired by an initial simile and proceed to shred it to bits further into the poem - quite what song you think your reader has in their heart why should have anything to do with the valley's in your heart I don't know and certainly can't imagine. What you assume on the other hand is another question. For example the evenings swell is that a tidal reference ? Do you have a sea in that mind full of valley, hill and mountain too and why is that simile dropped mid write for what teaching a spirit that is neither explained nor shared.
All in all this is sentimental pseudo poetry strung together to sound nice but making no sense whatsoever.
Jimm

you could do better than picking on Ian. I heard you say Esker should leave the site. I happen to think he is a major natural poet. In a very different vein check out Lonnie's work. Also a natural poet, though in a much more traditional structure.

You are taking cheap shots. Tear my work to bits, I would welcome it. There are some very fine poets here. Use your critical faculties where they would be of most use.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Happy New Year Everyone

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

You really are precious aren't you not only do you think you own the site but you think you can bark someone off because your poetry is torn to shreds with the most cursory of examinations. Butterfly your poetry is lightweight, so lightweight that it's positively infinitesimal in power and impact, this would disgrace the pages of a 12 year old's primer but you refuse to touch any genuine meaningful emotion and expose anything meaningful of your life in Wales which was so full of bare valleys, mountains and mines. Did nothing happen in all that time that could encapsulate your real memories of Wales? Was it truly a Prozac wasteland of dreams; because that's what you have written. A Prozac wasteland of Welsh dreams would have been a better title in fact and i would have actually respected it more .
Jimm

Yes he should but that's only an opinion . What he does is his own decision. As for butterfly - you critiqued this poem as the "best he's ever constructed", in short you were over kind or too mealy mouthed to tell him how mix up and sentimental it is to even warrant a read. The first stanza is awful, even the first sentence is badly written - what follows is utter rubbish yet you gave him the leeway to think otherwise. Is this site only about stroking the vanity of "writers" who like the idea of shooting towards posterity or is it about "writers" who are shooting towards the crapper of eternity?
Jimm

and have seen poets grow and change. This is a major leap for Ian, a truly remarkable step forward in poetic sensibility. Your criticism is harsh, though not entirely without merit. The point is that some some come here saying
"My grandaughter danced so beautifully,
it was so beautiful,
she pirouetted beautifully in her beautiful tutu"
and then gone on to write some half decent poetry. (Well, not really, that one had not an iota of poetic ability)
My point is that I too have done my best to drive drivel from the site and I was wrong. Improvement is a major achievement.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

He publishes elsewhere and his work is clearly beyond your ken.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Bravo

with a huge smile attached

goodnight I am off to sleep

love always and ever Jayne-Chloe :) xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

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