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Heart and Soul

She owns each heart that dares
possess a dream and initiates,
he settles for the knowledge that spares
each thought and evaluates;

she chooses to quietly greet the dawn
and secretly contemplates,
he hears her anguish while her voice is gone
while she deliberates.

She understands her indecisive nature
and learns to instigate,
he alone can sense the future
for those who only tolerate;

she wanders lost in his eyes
and feels him devastate,
he merely feigns surprise
as he reaches out and violates.

She turns to run away
as his sinewy finger-strand strangulates,
he knows she's begun to pray
so her daunted thoughts alleviate;

she finally gets involved
with little time to investigate,
he owns a grip that's evolved
to a point where her own doubt causes her to suffocate.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
A strange combination....every line ending with a mono-syllable rhyme, every other line begins with she, and then he...plus, a bonus rhyme in the middle of each line.
Editing stage: 

Comments

i love it; the power of alliteration people! there's a good flow to it.

...for your very generous remarks.
sincerely,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

You know where to hit me. Tricks AND substance. The internal rhyme is a little lost because it lands in such disparate locations in the rhythm. If they had hit at precisely the same point in each line they would come across more clearly (but of course, that's a bitch).
The general rhyme scheme is a hoot. Also, I liked the story (me and stories, what can I say).
After all my whining at you, this is a solid answer. Unlike anything of yours I have read and yet by the same talented poet.
Bravo.
wesley
P.S. In line 10, I believe the word you want is "begun".

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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...and thanx for the correction on the typo. Now, I feel a little better about the piece.
Sincerely,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

and Wesley's remarks are spot on.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

...do you agree with scribbler's idea? Here's how it looks, now.
Later on,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

I enjoyed the read but wonder if you considered splitting each line in two and rhyming only every other line to make for easier reading? It's good to be back and harassing ya"ll lol............stan

...to figure how to make my, "middle of the line" rhymes, visible!
Good eye, mate !
I sincerely thank, you...for the seemingly obvious solution, AND your scribbled words of quasi-encouragement ! Lol !
glad your back, too my friend;
seriously, thanx;
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

We ARE supposed to be here to help one another and I am always pleased when an idea of mine is found useful..........stan

..."useful" is rather an understatement.
Lol,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment
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