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On Having Learned The Word Mushaira In A Discussion About Collective Nouns And Advised By My Attorney To Expand And Tell The Truth.

There will be a solace of poets
at my mushaira on Saturday.
All the pretty poets
will dance and sing and play

There will be a deviance of drugs
at my mushaira on Saturday.
All the pretty poets hug,
they'll stagger, fall and pray

for a pinhead of angels
to take them all away
to a variance of heavens
and then to their dismay

a host of heaven's finest
with a wild array of warrants
will put them under arrest
for linguistic crimes abhorrent

they’ll plead a puerility of cases
with a simulchritude of similes,
and a flatulence of feelings on their faces
putting the angels ill at ease

all the pretty poets
and the angels
become bored
feathers start to fly...

no pretty poet has ever been
too eloquent to brawl
and several notable angels
have taken the big fall

So rather than extinguish each other
in lightning bolts and iambic insults
they drop the weapons of words and swords,
caress each others prides and wounds

And having little left to say
they have each other in every other way
the feathers fly and groans are wild
the sex... well no complaints are filed

The evening comes and parting's sweet,
if sore, much love was made upon the floor,
The drugs are gone and bed seems nice,
till someone brings a gram of ice.

And so it's off again, we're safe
they'll indulge beyond God's grace,
and he can truly harsh a buzz, the bum,
I spike his sacrificial wine
with LSD, particularly fine.

He didn't join the carnal spree,
just composed some verses, rather twee,
I said "they're nice
your should write more,
you may not end up a massive bore".

He took it all in humour fine,
tossed a lepers finger in my wine
and so we ended, quite sublime.

We're poets
we know it,
often blow it,
and reap as we sow it.

(Live at https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/on-having-learned-the-word-mushaira-in-a-...)

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Respects to Mr. Zimmerman.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Damn living in another country. I miss all the fun.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

oh yeah... Vive la poésie!
where are my knickers?
[passes out again]

cheers,
Jess
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Loved this, so dastardly clever. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

It was fun. Inspired and written during a chat at Neopoet Facebook.

cheers,
Jess
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author comment

I would have given anything to be in this Mushaira. But distance is somewhat a big barrier. A skillfully composed poem and thanks for sharing,Weildelf .

and thank you.

cheers,
Jess
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author comment

Had me laughing out loud.
But I won’t demean you with lol.
Jx

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and your consideration is deeply appreciated.
[giggles maniacally]

cheers,
Jess
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author comment

from a poetry slam. Another very interesting event in this world I never heard of. Sorry that the poets who join you pray for a pinhead of angels who will usher them to paradise only to find out they are convicted of bad writing...
In the last stanza..I cannot know in Australia but that kinda nursery rhyme thing "He's a poet but he don't know it" is the kinda thing you would expect from a guy wearing an "I'm with stupid" t shirt .

I guess in the end ...although I think the poem is funny in the way it puts down poets, I'm not sure why.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

or not seriously enough. Poets are pretty, they're partying hedonists who sometimes have bad trips (there are no atheists on bad trips), they have sex with angel critics! What's wrong with that?

I think someone got up on the wrong side of bed this morning.

That last stanza, see my last words re Mr Zimmerman? Remember "Another Side of Bob Dylan", track 5 "I Shall Be Free No. 10"?-
"Now they asked me to read a poem
At the sorority sisters’ home
I got knocked down and my head was swimmin’
I wound up with the Dean of Women
Yippee! I’m a poet, and I know it
Hope I don’t blow it"

cheers,
Jess
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author comment

Mark and Kelsey I think the whole point of using that line is to create a bit of satire. It was very much done on purpose. Which in an inverted way, makes it a very strong line/couple of lines.
It's that old British humour thing - the Aussies have a very similar brand of it.
Jx

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This is really fun. There was something about it that I couldn't put my finger on, but I think Eumolpus has got spot on. I think the last two stanzas are weak compared to the rest. I know this one was written on whim after an informal chat, but consider getting back to the rhyme and line length of the previous stanzas to strengthen the last two.

Some ideas to get your gears turning for the second to last stanza:

all the pretty poets and the angels
become bored, feathers start to fly
the faith of the poets becomes baneful
as their writing is supernaturally decried

Glad to see you writing,
Kelsey

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment. Neopoet is a workshop and is designed to share your poetry, receive and make critique of the work posted, and most importantly, for you to evolve as a poet.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

and didn't think the work of sufficient merit to pursue, but between Roscoe's comment and your feedback I find myself motivated again. I really appreciate your suggestion and will use it in part, although my thinking was more towards the poets and angels joining in a joyous cosmic fuck. Suck eggs the Metaphysical Poets.
Thank you.

cheers,
Jess
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author comment

But it is autumn. Brings out the grim in us. Thanks for getting me to lighten up..
I did not remember those lines from Dylan, who was occasionally quite acerbic. Good lines.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

check out the album, it really is well titled. "Motopsycho Nightmare" is a hoot. It's also got the first recording of "It Ain't Me Babe".

Oh, and it's spring here upover.

cheers,
Jess
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what did you think of my poem?

cheers,
Jess
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yes
I have no qualification to assess jess

I took it that Mark was just having an autumn day but Kelsey is right in that it does fizzle out. I think I'll work on rewriting the second last verse to make it more... um... explicit, keep
"they’re poets
they know it
hope they don’t blow it"
and maybe improve on
"with a heftiness of hopes."

cheers,
Jess
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'they're poets
they know it'

It really made me laugh.

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Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.

A grand write must have nudged a few as some of the comments reminded me of times when we had battles.
Meaningful critique is good and I always fail to understand why some of the critique is directed at the poet.
What the hell, a poet that writes fiction cannot possibly be downed for his or her write.
I have no more toys in my pram, so does this mean I have to be nice all the time.
Take care young Jess great to walk with you again,
Yours, Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

I didn't notice any critique directed at me.

The only one that pissed me off was Lovedly's, who refused to comment on the poem itself because the big baby is in a snit because I didn't review his/her last poem. What a jerk! I have given that petulant piece of shit miles of critique over the years and he/she has given nothing but dipsy whoopsy onanistic ramblings and 10 year old girl's jumping up and down pleas to view his/her own work.

I haven't been very patient, have often been rude and abusive but I always given solid critique. Well fuck Lovedly, s/he gets nothing from me any more. (I hope s/he reads this, nothing you wanker, fuck off)

Thanks my brother, 'A grand write', that's nice. Yes I enjoyed writing it and you know I love a bit of humour and wordplay.

cheers,
Jess
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.

It's just irritated by your self absorbed meaningless drivel.
If you can' t communicate in a way people can understand and relate to, then don't be surprised when they stop communicating.

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just wait and see

My case in point.

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Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.

Fifth stanza is really really good. I Knew you were a closet rhymer lol. A wonderful example of use of rhyme in free verse as well as an entertaining read. I could almost picture myself being led off by the meter police from a party of jabbering poets for the crime of bad scansion lol.......stan

I'm not a closet rhymer, I use all the tools of poetry when and where it feels right.

I think you can see it needs some work at the end.

cheers,
Jess
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author comment

Love the additions. It's not too much!

Especially love:

no pretty poet has ever been
too eloquent to brawl
and several notable angels
have taken the big fall

So rather than extinguish each other
in lightning bolts and iambic insults
they drop the weapons of words and swords,
caress each others prides and wounds

and the new ending too.

Kelsey

PS: Did you mean "ingulge"? I like it as a word creation, whether intended or not. It's the perfect combination of indulge and gorge, in my humble opinion.

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment. Neopoet is a workshop and is designed to share your poetry, receive and make critique of the work posted, and most importantly, for you to evolve as a poet.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

Thanks Kelsey.
ingulge and a few other typos now tidied up.

cheers,
Jess
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