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a harsh judgement

Submitted by Seren on Thu, 2023-03-02 09:55

I cannot remember when
my body knew no pain
when a walk refreshed,
and didn't drop nuclear bombs
down my spine and hips.

I cannot remember
moving without a stick
bracing an unbalanced form,
when the ache didn't prompt
every movement, every fall

I cannot remember
a time when metal shards
didn't flow through my marrow,
minutes seem like decades
as a lake of fire ignites the arch

I cannot remember
not being tortured daily,
imbibing magic elixirs for relief
ten years in a tortured body
agony my constant companion

I cannot remember
when I could still feel
and my limbs weren't ghosts,
they haunt my dreams
running on the earth, free

This is my life sentence
until my last breath

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Ten years ago I was diagnosed with a tumour in my spine which caused a condition called cauda equina syndrome I had surgery and things healed quickly, I was back to gardening etc 10wks later, 1yr and 3days later they found a second tumour it had nearly severed my spinal cord pushing my vertebrae into it. I again had cauda equina syndrome I lost the feeling from the knee's down. I had to learn to walk again but the pain will be my constant companion till the day I leave earth. I know I didn't have to share this but its easier to explain in advance.
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Thu, 2023-03-02 10:08

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thanks for adding an explanation. I guess we are both Pain Warriors. it is a daily battle, and we fight on. I know you will go out raging against the pain and the destruction it has caused. I love you....

*many hugs, love, Siscat

*
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And responds, please be courteous
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RoseBlack

Thu, 2023-03-02 19:48

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Such an emotional and personal write! It hardly seems fair at all that you have to suffer as you do, yet here you are as strong and fabulous despite all the obstacles! You are an inspiration.

~RoseBlack~

Rosewood Apothecary

Fri, 2023-03-03 05:46

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I’m sorry to learn about these health struggles. Things are difficult sometimes and more so with chronic conditions. I think the title here is valid, these are harsh judgments in that, it’s pretty arbitrary how this all happened.

Working through pain and neuropathy is a courageous choice and you should be commended for it. Thank you for sharing this. That also takes some courage, to say “I’m here, I struggle in this way or that because of these challenges.” I myself find it hard to reach out or communicate. I think writing it down really helps externalize the issue because you’re literally creating like a physical manifestation of the emotional and in this case, physical pain; automatically making a different vantage point. This is the power of writing, reading, singing…

The text is beautifully written and fitting both your style and the undercurrent emotional distress of the subject matter.

A+.

Take care of yourself please. The world needs your light.
Tim

scribbler

Fri, 2023-03-03 12:58

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I knew you had health problems but this is the first time you have told exactly what they are. With 2 replaced knees and crumbling neck vertebrae I can understand what you are going through. Your poem makes it all vivid

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