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Harken to the silence

Shadows flit by our windows.
Listen to the whispers of past days,
Live in the quiet and gentleness of being,
Walk with like minds, touch the world.

A touch, sending shivers through the universe,
Talk to like minds and be at peace
It will be a peace that’s part of eternity,
Live each moment in the truth of love.

There a realisation of an eternal peace
Where ever we are we are joined,
I hear the tide coming, in gentle waves
Making all to become a closer energy.

Letting us become part of the whole.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Just playing
Editing stage: 

Comments

Dear Ian,

This poem describes how I aspire to live my life. You write tranquility and mindfulness so well, I really am jealous! :)

If I could critique one tiny thing, something about "Making all to become a closer power" doesn't feel right. Something about "power" especially doesn't seem to fit the rest of the poem. I'm not sure what I would suggest as an alternative, but I wanted to bring it to your attention.

Hope this helps.

All my best,
Kelsey

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment. Neopoet is a workshop and is designed to share your poetry, receive and make critique of the work posted, and most importantly, for you to evolve as a poet.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

Thank you for your visit and apt comment, power as you say doesn't feel right, and to me it is an oppressive word, so I have revised to energy with which we all can love and enjoy.
Thanks again young one, our love to you,
Ian and the Children xx

I know of an eternal place, where all creatures go,
filled with unconditional love and energy.
Where all things meet to be at one with themselves,
This is where the Children stay, and one day
as this learning time here passes,
I shall be, just ask for Grandad that's me lol xx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

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