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Hanging paper

Hanging paper…

They hang paper from white washed bill boards,
then string their words together like barbed wire.
Allowing them to ingratiate all subliminal hordes,
trapping those with an awareness in it’s quagmire.

The leaders have rolled inside their cosy webs,
finding comfort as opposed to our terminal terrors.
We as citizens are but numbers, treated as plebs,
blown around on big brothers wind like feathers.

We don’t need the high flyers to help find an escape
just gather the feathers to trim our maiden flight.
Throw away their plans, let our own take shape,
script our own freedom writ long into the night.

Were born from nature’s womb not religion’s god,
with intelligence the gift man should never waste.
Parry all arguments against, from here or abroad,
let our people find the truth, let them have a taste.

Once tasted, surely a recipe they’ll learn to enjoy,
sweet on the lips of everyone colour or creed.
Learn our young to build, create, never destroy,
in an ambience of simple pleasure, never greed.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Were blinded by their reams of written laws..
Editing stage: 

Comments

One crit. This would read so much better with strong meter (yes, I'm a stuck record on this subject)

Second crit, the enemy is too amorphous. Call it capitalism. Call it the religious propaganda of original sin that makes people think greed etc is human nature. I call it the obscene act of giving corporations human rights without human accountability. But name the enemy.

Nonetheles, a brave and effective write, love it.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thank you and sorry for the late reply, been working away from home. I have given this a bit of an edit, but will work on it to see if i can incorporate the names of those i'm thinking of. Thank you again Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

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