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Handkerchief
Not just a piece of fabric
it has a tale to tell
now a souvenir
though its borders are now frail
On each thread is writ a verse
in intimate dialect
still moist
with lavender mist
to inhale, reminisce
those liquid moments in tranquil
The motifs now faded
but the verses keep saturating
from the eyes
ever alive
moistened by
those intimate moments
tugging at the heart strings....
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
alidzain
Wed, 2016-06-01 16:39
hi raj
good one.
Alid
raj
Thu, 2016-06-02 13:39
Thanks Alid for the read and
Thanks Alid for the read and comment...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentRula
Thu, 2016-06-02 05:02
Wow!
Who said that the handkerchief is merely a fabric.
Amazing how you gave such a small piece of cloth such a history.
I really can't choose a favorite line, each verse stunned me!
Congrats!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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raj
Thu, 2016-06-02 13:40
Hi Rula
thanks for the read and your kind words of appreciation...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentmand
Thu, 2016-06-02 06:51
Hi Raj
Very well written - wonderfully descriptive - worthy of a book! :)
Love Mand xxxx
raj
Thu, 2016-06-02 13:41
Hi Mand
appreciate your taking time to read and kind words...good to know you liked it..
much love and hugs..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentKeith Logan
Sat, 2016-06-04 07:20
Good one
loved by this hopeless romantic.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
raj
Sat, 2016-06-04 14:10
Thanks Keith for the time,
Thanks Keith for the time, read and comment....
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commenttyro
Fri, 2018-05-11 08:50
Hi Rij,
Hi Rij,
I like both the idea and the presentation; also the originality gives it flavor.
"now a souvenir
though its borders are now frail"
it seem this handkerchief had a lot of work to do. Only, i am not so content wit the ending. Saying, only that those intimate moments were short lived, says nothing of the emotions that born them. May be something like, "that pulled at the heart". just the first thing to come to mind, but an example of what I mean by an emotional ending.
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
raj
Fri, 2018-05-11 14:40
Hi tyro
thanks for the read comment and suggestive ending...i will think over it for sure...
Regards....
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Fri, 2018-05-11 15:15
Hi again tyro
taking into consideration the merits of your suggestion, I have tweaked the concluding line. If you get time to visit this page again do let me know if it now works better...
...........................................................................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
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