Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

hair in the wind

`

Brown in the sun
of the midday born
Silken strands
of crested corn

sparks light the sky
brilliant welder's flash
jewel in disguise
jouster's winning prize.

Jack was nimble
he was quick
but he's not taking
that candlestick.

All the queen's horses
and all the queen's men
run their own courses
then run them again.

`

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
A bit of change in pace. Nothing too serious, but is it all just silly rhymes.... Hope you enjoy.
Editing stage: 

Comments

didn't exactly follow the title but fun to read..........scribbler

I am sorry that didn't work out. They are meant to be linked in some way, even if it was meant to be a lighter poem with a possible hidden meaning. Mayhap, I have overstepped the poetic licence... perhaps.

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

author comment

of the world's best styled poets ,

you have to read a lot friend

and don't leave with tears
at the end

as tears can be discomforting too
then don't say
Loved didn't warn you

loved

like a copy pasted
broken refrain
a little stanza
re-emerges
again and again
whose understanding
eludes this brain

:-)

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

author comment

CB,

this was a short and happy piece. I don't think it was supposed to be an in-depth piece, more a play with words.

The rhyming scheme tripped up in the second stanza, but it didn't really upset the pace and flow.

Particularly like the "sparks light the sky, brilliant welder's flash" - the image almost burnt my own eyes!

I tried to understand the comment above mine, but I have no idea what it is about!! Lol!

regards,

HS

--------------
Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
--------------
With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

'The jouster's winning prize' seems so out of place.... I am waiting upon the muses to help me remedy this. That's my excuse. lol. And yes, it was a light composition that needn't mean anything serious. Although something deeper can be read into it if the reader is so disposed. But that depends on each reader and on each reading, as you have alluded to in another post that you made. Thanks for sharing your journey with this poem and that apt observation on the second stanza. Will be working on that, eventually. Cheers CB

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.