Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Haiku

Submitted by Race_9togo on Mon, 2010-11-08 13:32

Crunch of fresh night frost
welcomes tired old feet back home,
heralding new winter.

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Comments

Geezer

Mon, 2010-11-08 15:22

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

I would have used a different word, the second time around. [ new ] Maybe just eliminate it altogether?
You did capture the essence of winter for us old folks though. I felt the cold, and heard the crunch of my tired, skittish feet. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Race_9togo

Mon, 2010-11-08 17:34

Race_9togo's picture
Volunteer badge

You would have used a different word the second time around?
So would I, but instead I changed the first - the second is needed where it is.
But, thanks for the critique - I didn't realize I had done that until you pointed it out.
Thanks Geezer, I'm glad you liked it.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

scribbler

Mon, 2010-11-08 17:36

Volunteer badge

A good example of packing a lot into a few words.........scribbler

Race_9togo

Mon, 2010-11-08 17:49

Race_9togo's picture
Volunteer badge

I think I'm finally getting the hang of these haiku.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.