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H-Town Ballad
Come and sit in the scorching sear
Put on a hat and pull out a beer
Hollar out a howdy and a y'all or two
Then smack at the squitos and tell them to shoo
Pull out a tent and let's go camping
Don't grab a trailer unless your glamping
Climb a tree or wade in a brook
Then go grab those dogs you've been waiting to cook
April, May, June, July
Hurricane season won't fly by
It will sit and sit and relieve itself
'Knock all the stuff off of your shelf
Then comes winter and no, no, no
Before you say it, it just won't snow
Big red Santa in a cowboy hat
Before you ask it he's the same less fat
Look around at this beautiful place
'Then wipe the salty sweat off your face
'Scratch your bites, tug your hat round your ears.'
This is my home and I love living here
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How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
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Comments
Viviana Smith
Mon, 2020-09-14 10:42
houston
I love Houston ya'll!
Vivi
(Love hanging with my family of poets)
author commentViviana Smith
Tue, 2020-09-15 15:16
sorry
just seeing this
no dogs was short for hot dogs
and squitos is short for mosquitoes
Vivi
(Love hanging with my family of poets)
author commentGeezer
Mon, 2020-09-14 16:42
I really enjoyed...
this one! i know what you mean by [dogs]. Ya'll mean Hot dogs or frankfurters. One of my favorite foods anytime of the year.
I like the two line rhyme and and all, but you don't have a title! This needs a title. ~ Geezer.
.
Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
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Viviana Smith
Tue, 2020-09-15 15:18
thanks
thanks any ideas for a title?
Vivi
(Love hanging with my family of poets)
author commentGeezer
Wed, 2020-09-16 11:34
I like your choice...
of title. Makes it sound rather hip and cool. H-Town. Very nice and good luck. ~ Geezer.
.
Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.
Viviana Smith
Sun, 2020-09-20 12:17
thanks
Thanks for the critique I didn't see that at first.
Vivi
(Love hanging with my family of poets)
author commentViviana Smith
Mon, 2020-09-21 21:56
cool
ok thanks this is making it a lot better.
Vivi
(Love hanging with my family of poets)
author commentViviana Smith
Tue, 2020-09-22 09:57
Its ok
This is changing my poem for the better. That's the whole point of it. I am getting critiqued. When you tell someone they need to change their work don't ever think you are a nuisance for doing it. The best people get built up from criticism and become something great. You're not the only one who has Critiqued me and I like the changes you're making to my poem.
(You are right Critique is a complement, It shows that others care so much about your work they want to help you make it better)
Vivi
(Love hanging with my family of poets)
author commentBreakinglogic
Tue, 2020-09-22 12:30
Viviana,
Viviana,
What a fun poem! Your first line is very smooth and engaging! Loved the jargon and the unexpected run in with the word glamping:)
☆ raffy
Mark
Fri, 2020-10-09 23:39
Never been to Texas but
but now know I would love it !
Congratulations Viviana,
Mark
THE MARK
.
If you take the time to read a poem then take the time to let the author know you were there. Study it and form an opinion as well, even if it means going back to it more than once. That is basic critique, what Neopoet is all about.
Ray Whitaker
Mon, 2020-10-12 07:15
Congrats on winning the contest,
Nice job!
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