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Grumpy Guy

Submitted by Jahleel Drigo on Mon, 2012-04-23 00:25

We three grew up together
In that place so far from where stand today
Where the mountains touch the sky
And darkness rests in the depths of the valleys.
Three friends, one really grumpy guy.

Cracking jokes with the other
Hoping he would smile
Even only for a while
He would laugh,it would almost instantly die.
Damn! What a grumpy guy.

Heard fell terribly ill late July
I recall thinking, Surely
He won't be the first of us to die.
On Sunday I said my good bies.

Look at the old grown man cry.
Blinded by the tears that cloud my vision
Making my way to the casket, underneath the cross.

Startled by what i found
So picturesque, what brilliance
As if bathed in sunlight he glowed
There on his face im certain ,
A smile brighten than all i've seen.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
True story folks, as much as I wish it wasn't. Don't think it hapened in july though, lol.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

scribbler

Mon, 2012-04-23 19:02

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Perhaps he found a peace in death he never found on earth lol. Enjoyable poem, but you need to check for typos...........stan

Jahleel Drigo

Thu, 2012-06-07 17:19

Jahleel Drigo's picture

Thanks for the comments guys, though it took me forever to see them. I very much enjoy writing but my English is horrible, please note the typos so I can make the changes.

JahLo
"A light complexion, graceful carriage, and a bewitching smile- those constitute a woman's true worth"

author comment

Frenchf

Sat, 2013-02-16 12:51

You need to correct the spelling mistakes and typo's

Ian.T

Mon, 2013-02-18 17:02

Ian.T's picture
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I will just list a few things that we call typo's

Surely--this needs to be surely
i've-- Capital I always
im-- Apostrophe and capital.. I'm
i-- make yourself important capital I
laugh,it --Just a space needed
i've-- capital I
Three friend’s, one really grumpy guy-- just use "and" it is allowed
Three friend’s, and one really grumpy guy.
good bies.--goodbyes for this as one word..
He would laugh, it would almost instantly die--
He would laugh, though it would instantly die... I let it die lol
Heard fell terribly ill late July--
Heard he fell terribly ill late July.. this just needed (he)

Correct English is very hard and I have been talking and writing it for as long as I can remember, which is such a long time I am beginning to forget the write way lol.
Always ask never worry about typo's we can use word and it shows them automatically.
Try writing rough on Notebook, then paste and copy to Word, it will then show you any problems..
Hope you don't mind my lengthy corrections great to see your work and look forward to your future writes, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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