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Groovin'... [The October contest]

The mist of night still lingers
Hugging close to the ground
Slinking along on it's belly
Muting, all of dawn's sounds

A faint little scratching and rustle
The shake of leaves on a tree
Announce the waking of squirrels
Come to look down on me

A long and then two short whistles
A bird I've never seen
I do a pretty good mocking
He answers through the green

While I play this musical game
The sun crept over the hill
I didn't get to see my bird
I guess I never will

A brook that always mumbles
Seems to have come awake
Bright light shines, on it's surface
Turtles out to bake

A lone crow sits in the top of a tree
Eyes black and watching out
As I leave this place, my retreat
I hear him give a shout

Caw all you like, my feathered friend
Too late, you saw me move
I'm finished here, I'm leaving
I just got my groove

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Contest: 

Comments

Nice one Geezer, conforming to the Contest norms set by Stan

How about a small change
A lone crow sits in the top of a tree
[A lone crow sitting atop a tree]

I believe if you shorten the length of the First Verse of the Last Stanxa, it would run smoother...just a suggestion...

I really like this one..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

to denote the beginning of the end of the poem. I think that it gives the sense of: "Ok, here we go, here comes the end of this story." I'm glad that you like this one, it was intended to give the reader a little bit of insight into what is happening in the woods at that time of day; the early hours of morning. Thank you for your suggestion, but I think that I will leave it as is. ~ Gee

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author comment

ah, you're a real contender, aren't you? this is better than mine, I think. Anyway I join to practce my rhyming. Really envy people who can do it effortlessly.

Alid

Believe me, it's not effortlessly. I do seem to have a knack for rhyme, but I have worked at it. If you practice and really like what you are doing, you will get to a level that will enable others to say that you are a wordsmith. You Have the feeling for it and I'm sure that you will achieve your goals. You have great stories. ~ Gee

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

thanks for the encouragement.

Alid

Wow!! This is a winner anyway!!!
Thanks for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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