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Grit
It’s cruel
hard standing here
watching you lying there
wasting away
Another day
you get up fight through it
and we forget
you’re dying
It’s cruel
now that you’ve turned your life around
and we’ve found we can be here
for each other
It’s hard
not knowing how long we have
wondering
will we meet again on the other side
Caught a glimpse of you sleeping
pillow pulled tight
holding on
for dear life
Don’t know if it was a bad dream coursing through you
but I know your spirit
you won’t give up
until you reach the light
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2023-03-30 14:39
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem captures the painful and emotional experience of watching a loved one suffer from a terminal illness. The use of repetition in the opening and closing stanzas effectively emphasizes the cruelty of the situation. The second stanza offers a glimmer of hope as the speaker acknowledges the strength and determination of the dying person. The third stanza introduces a new layer of complexity as the speaker reflects on how the relationship has evolved since the diagnosis. The final stanza is particularly poignant as the speaker watches the person sleep and holds onto the hope that they will not give up until they reach peace.
One suggested line edit: In the second stanza, consider changing "it's easy to forget" to "we forget" to clarify that the speaker is not exempt from forgetting the reality of the situation.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Thu, 2023-03-30 20:18
Neo. Our AI...
has said everything I would have said. Even the suggested change of line, is right on point. Nice job, and welcome to Neopoet
~ Geezer.
.
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Richard Milne
Thu, 2023-03-30 20:46
Thanks
I appreciate the feedback.
author commentLavender
Fri, 2023-03-31 19:02
Grit
Hello, Richard,
This is painfully perfect - you clearly convey the feelings and emotions, along with the reality. Very well written.
Thank you for sharing, and welcome to Neopoet.
Lavender
Richard Milne
Sat, 2023-04-01 10:59
Thank you
I appreciate the feedback.
author commentObadiah Grey
Tue, 2023-05-30 13:22
Impressive internal rhyme,
Impressive internal rhyme,
Good format,
Well thought out.
Obi.
Richard Milne
Tue, 2023-05-30 14:23
Thanks
I appreciate your feedback Obadiah. Best to you!
author comment