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Grief ending

I wear red shirts now
Not black
Sometimes
I comb my hair
And tie it back

White roots show

I still smell of darkness
And the crow

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I have posted this very short poem as I just started working on it quite recently. It is about trying to heal after the rawness of grief . I wanted to sum up the internal struggle of recovery, the deepness of grief with the pagan aspect and symbol of death. I also wanted it short and memorable, grief hurts enough without going on and on about it.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I love poetry short, "compression of meaning" is almost a definition of poetry for me.

Impressive debut poem, Jenifer

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Thank you for your welcome to this lovely place and for introducing me to the space. I really look forward to becoming an active member.

Jenifer

author comment

A complete and flowing piece that says everything in few words.
Lovely to see you greet the day, and feel the sunshine...

I am from the old ways and we have always believed that if a crow stays on a house for the three days then death will visit there,
I think that it comes from the fact that they are carrion birds with a great link to where ever, and know more than we give them credit for. or have senses we have long lost. Pagan indeed, I wonder why vultures circle around for hours, who told them ???
Welcome to Neopoet and have a lovely new year "NEW".
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thanks, Ian. I am also from the old ways and love the sound of crows/ravens - the great, black carrion birds, the cleaners of the dead. (Also - in a moment of silliness, I think vultures just get stuck on flight paths, imitating Heathrow on a bad day, unable to land, but unable to go).
I bring the crow/raven theme into poetry quite a lot - all the myths around them are outstanding. Pagan is an odd space: a place of great imagery and belief, scares so many people.Speak again soon, I trust.

Jenifer

author comment
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