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Grief ending

I wear red shirts now
Not black
Sometimes
I comb my hair
And tie it back

White roots show

I still smell of darkness
And the crow

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I have posted this very short poem as I just started working on it quite recently. It is about trying to heal after the rawness of grief . I wanted to sum up the internal struggle of recovery, the deepness of grief with the pagan aspect and symbol of death. I also wanted it short and memorable, grief hurts enough without going on and on about it.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I love poetry short, "compression of meaning" is almost a definition of poetry for me.

Impressive debut poem, Jenifer

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
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Thank you for your welcome to this lovely place and for introducing me to the space. I really look forward to becoming an active member.

Jenifer

author comment

A complete and flowing piece that says everything in few words.
Lovely to see you greet the day, and feel the sunshine...

I am from the old ways and we have always believed that if a crow stays on a house for the three days then death will visit there,
I think that it comes from the fact that they are carrion birds with a great link to where ever, and know more than we give them credit for. or have senses we have long lost. Pagan indeed, I wonder why vultures circle around for hours, who told them ???
Welcome to Neopoet and have a lovely new year "NEW".
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thanks, Ian. I am also from the old ways and love the sound of crows/ravens - the great, black carrion birds, the cleaners of the dead. (Also - in a moment of silliness, I think vultures just get stuck on flight paths, imitating Heathrow on a bad day, unable to land, but unable to go).
I bring the crow/raven theme into poetry quite a lot - all the myths around them are outstanding. Pagan is an odd space: a place of great imagery and belief, scares so many people.Speak again soon, I trust.

Jenifer

author comment
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