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The Great Life of Me

Is a leaf really just a leaf?

From bud
Sprouts into her very own beauty
Sparkling off Suns reflection

Her complexity, invisible
In the eyes who believe in her

Waving, to the melody of a soft breeze
Happy to be alive

Giving seed to the next generation
Until, there is no more light

Gradually fading into soft night
Fading in color

Falling gently
Into a deep sleep…

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
i tried a form that i didnt really like so it's back to my old style, it's good to try new things but i have realised i prefer the simpler form.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

what you have here. Even without the additional visual of the fading, falling look. The only thing that I'm not sure about is;
Leaves aren't evergreens. Evergreens are of the genus, firs and balsams; which have needles. Maybe you could just rid yourself of that last line? The poem seems fine without it.~ Geez.
.

Announcing the new chatroom! I will be hosting a chatroom on Saturday nights
from 8pm until 9pm [EST] this coming Saturday. Stop in and
shoot the breeze with the Geez. Our Chatroom is open 24/7
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So glad you are here, what I wanted was to ask if I would be remembered that's what I'm trying to say in the last line? Do you think deep sleep is good enough for the last words? ok i did it what i was trying to acheive was the word rather than the image of the evergreen leaf, but i'm so glad you called it out because that was my wondering and you have helped immencly as you always do.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

and sounds good to me! ~ Geez.
.

Announcing the new chatroom! I will be hosting a chatroom on Saturday nights
from 8pm until 9pm [EST] this coming Saturday. Stop in and
shoot the breeze with the Geez. Our Chatroom is open 24/7
.

Thank you sweet friend.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

Hi, Teddy,
What a beautiful cycle of life poem! Reading your intent to be remembered, I wonder: the word "weakening" is vivid and full of imagery, but it also lends itself to a dismissal of sorts. I'm not certain of a different word - maybe something similar to "offering" or "sacrificing" its color? Dunno, but I feel the gift of this leaf / life.
Thank you!
L

I agree, I had the word fading but because I used it twice I took it out I have racked my brain but cannot think of anything better that describes it, maybe I should use fading? Even though I use twice

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

Maybe "gradually blending into the soft night" - please don't let me confuse you. You will find your words, Teddy. You always, always do! Lovely poetry!
L

Interesting piece, Teddy.

Bathe yourself with poetry and let the world go to pieces.

Thanks for being here, I tried a fancy ending but it's not really who I am, I usually keep it simple but it was good to get out of my comfort zone. X

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

Love the simpler form - beautiful!
L

Thank you my friend, I am a simple poet, I guess it was good to get outside the comfort zone but in the end I feel so much more comfortable just being me. X

Thank you...Teddy

author comment
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