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Gratitude

Submitted by Phaizee on Tue, 2022-05-31 15:51

So here we are,
The night before the awakening.
June, my month of love.
May was beautiful.
Indeed I grew in love and shone like the sun.
Welcome to my Garden of June.
Be patient, all colourful flowers will bloom.
An awakening for both you and l.
You are a light, don't sleep on it.

A little push and we are here.
We can make it together don't be scared.
Thank you May, for blooming too.

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Wed, 2022-06-01 07:56

hello Phaizee,

in this line:
Indeed I grew in love and (shun) like the sun. try the word: (shone)

the poem is beautiful for welcoming in the month of June and hints at things to come!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Geezer

Wed, 2022-06-01 10:47

I agree...

the mood is light and wonderful for welcoming in the summer! However; in light of the fact that the word [light] is bandied about here, I wonder at the usage of the word in the line that says; "You are a light, don't sleep on it" ? Is that an adage or proverb that is common in your part of the world? ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Phaizee

Sun, 2022-07-17 14:01