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Gratitude

So here we are,
The night before the awakening.
June, my month of love.
May was beautiful.
Indeed I grew in love and shone like the sun.
Welcome to my Garden of June.
Be patient, all colourful flowers will bloom.
An awakening for both you and l.
You are a light, don't sleep on it.

A little push and we are here.
We can make it together don't be scared.
Thank you May, for blooming too.

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I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
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What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
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Comments

in this line:
Indeed I grew in love and (shun) like the sun. try the word: (shone)

the poem is beautiful for welcoming in the month of June and hints at things to come!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

the mood is light and wonderful for welcoming in the summer! However; in light of the fact that the word [light] is bandied about here, I wonder at the usage of the word in the line that says; "You are a light, don't sleep on it" ? Is that an adage or proverb that is common in your part of the world? ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

That line... I just wrote that. I haven't heard anyone around my side use it though. Thank you for the comment.

Yoonmin21

author comment

the advice of Cat and transform the word [shun] into "shone". ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Beautifully crafted!
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

Thank you!

Yoonmin21

author comment
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