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Goose Quill (For Titles WS)

When quills are dipped in vessels and veins,
when ink is but a shade of red,
then all they'd spell are woes and pains,
and stories of less happy ends.

Where all we tread is out of lamps,
and quills are dipped in vessels and veins,
then how to feet happy iambs,
the lands we live are all insane.

When all the words just yell in vain
in lands that turn to battle fields,
and quills are dipped in vessels and veins,
can the words be then a real shield?

When our lives but a very cheap deal,
Man for nothing is often slain,
will words be then of any heal
when quills are dipped in vessels and veins?

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

"What then say words"

more obvious
V'ssles and veins

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

Two good alternatives to label the piece.
The first is always a good suggestion.
Thank you so much.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Could it be "Insane"?..whatever be the title//i loved the theme...good to see you flowing with words again...

raj (sublime_ocean)

and always appreciated raj.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

That's mine... wow what a cool poem and marvelous use of the format. The refrain always fit the stanza and was not simply placed in its required location.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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May I ask what's special about the "Gooze" or it's quill. I mean, does it have any poetic reference?

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Because I am thinking of changing mine!!

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

"Voice Of The Bleeding Heart"

The whole poem is a demand or a scream for people to think s well as a plea for the right actions to be taken.

Alid

It's very close of what I wanted.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I shall give this more time to collect as many titles as possible. Hopefully while I'm sleeping :). I thank the difference in the time zone. Appreciate your thoughts. Of course I have one already, but I might consider changing to...mmmmm

Ok.. Tomorrow is a new day :)

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Just one question... why 'v'ssels' and not 'vessels' as there is no difference in syllable count .... we don't drop letters like this willy nilly in English.... you just need to plead poetic license with the near 9 syllables there - lol - I'd pass it :)

Typo in the first verse ' veines...

ok - title suggestion
when quills are swords

lol - I suck at finding titles
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

but the /ve-ssels/ two syllables. I tried to make it one by dropping the vowel but I think you're right that the sound is still there even if I drop it. But since you pass it with nine syllables (((smiles here))) I think I shall put the "e" back.

As for your title, I think it is a bit away from catching my intent, or so I think. You might like to tell me what verse(s) inspired yours. May be I wasn't clear enough anyway.
Thank you for pointing the typo too...

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I read your whole write as saying when words are hurtful, no peace is gained, thus the pen and the sword thought...
Please do tell me where I have read this incorrectly
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

my whole intent is because the world is insane, because of all the wars around, and so, the ink is becoming no more than a red liquid (blood) hence the words can't express but woes and aweful stories.
does this help?

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

still seems apt to me
but as I say lol - I suck at titles
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Sorry I am late:- "Confused Scriptures" would seem an apt title for this piece, it is written in strict form and relays a confusion as to what to write yet the ink remains stable..
Yours as always, Ian..

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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

all in all deeply felt poem
a difficult style to write in but you make it look so easy

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

I really appreciate your encouraging words.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

"Don't Blame The Poet"

Do you think I need to change?

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

but if this is a quiz, my points will be zero 'cos I would never has guessed it right

I'm asking opinions.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I think you should change the title to attract more readers.

Alid

Hmmmm.....does that make me appear thoughtful? lol. How about "Must Quills Run Red" ?

for what you ask, i also ask, can there be a recompense to the dead form of beauty, crucified by time, so i think time is its true enemy

we are doing an exercise here, trying to give the title for the poem which could attract more readers to the poem by using what we understand from its contents. Why don't you offer one yourself.?

Alid

please participate. You're not a member of this workshop, but I invite you to join in.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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