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THE GOODBYE TRAIN

I've seen too many to the station
of that eternal one way train
and felt those rails' subtle vibration
which throbbed in time to parting's pain.

Now as I have become old
Now as friends have become rare
Now as the the winds have become cold
I'm almost alone standing there.

For most have gone on down the track
to their final dim destination
where all go but none come back
yet they board with little hesitation.

I sigh and turn toward my old truck
and the love who's sitting there
hoping with a bit of luck
we'll have a while here yet to share.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

the last time we see one of our friends, they are on that train.
A few things...
Maybe just me, but I would reverse the words [dim final] destination to final dim.
I'd say: are becoming rare.
Two [the] in "Now as.
~ Gee.
.

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I'm gonna use the suggestion about dim final for sure. I'll think about the other one. Thanks for the ideas

author comment

Very moving, and so very true. Sometimes being the observer is harder than being the traveller, But you've still got your love, and a lot to write about. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Now I don't know whether to laugh at a poem about a train being "moving" ...........reckon I'll take it seriously though lol. Appreciate your dropping by and yeah as long as love is still around the losses are tolerable

author comment

And welcome to Neopoet.I appreciate your time to read and leave comment. I'm also happy that the nuances intended came through because often they don'y in my writing..........stan

author comment
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