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GOODBYE TO THE CHILDREN STUCK IN THE MURKY SAND

Goodbye to boys and the sky with flying kites,
And the toddlers in love with the murky sand.
Goodbye to the river and the clapping waves,
And the naked women with their dangling breasts.

Goodbye to the market, goodbye to traders
Goodbye, buyers and sellers in endless thrift
Goodbye to premonition, goodbye to dreams
Goodbye to the seasons in colorful robes.

Farewell to the oldies and their rotten teeth,
And the color of tobacco in their nails.
Parting to the schoolboys in their uniforms
Goodbye to these soldiers that wear hardened frowns.

Goodbye to the cities and their moving cars
Farewell to the bankers in their cultish suits
Goodbye to factory workers and engineers
Adieu to trains and busses and buzzing planes.

Bye to the birds that spread like chaffs in the wind,
To the forests from heights that grin with a green,
To the moon and sun that hence will lead my soul,
Goodbye to the sky at night with prying eyes.

Goodbye to lovers in love with fickle stilts
To the free prisoners that hassle through life
Farewell to friendship, farewell to family
Goodbye to religion with all those judgments.

Goodbye to politics, bye to government
Bye to the news and the sound of boring songs.
Adieu to poetry and its addictive rhymes
Goodbye all, for death is the ultimate truth.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Hard felt. Stay with us. Read a poem by Andre Breton “plutot la vie”. (Chose life, or Rather life).
It has been said all poetry is about death. Perhaps... but you are so young. There will be joy and redemption. You have a great voice. Keep at it. You will be noticed!

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I was tempted to say that there were too many goodbyes, but they were all true! Not sure how many different ways one can say goodbye. I noticed that you did try to use some others and they worked, so it made the rest of goodbyes, a bit more palatable and added to the almost hopelessness of the end.
Nice work! ~ Geezer.
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