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Goodbye

I sank in the ocean of my tears,
when you left me under the torment of that lonely night.
Bounded by loneliness and fears,
my peace and joy took to flight.

Amid the frightful frigid night your name i screamed,
but your ears you shut and remained soulless,
this horrid act towards me i never dreamed,
after you vowed your love will be endless.

I swam in despair and death being so close ,
i prayed for a soulful spirit's saving grace,
and suddenly an angel from the blue sky arose,
cuddled and dried the rivulet of tears on my face.

Now everyday in my heart is like yuletide,
this angel's cuddles make my heart mellow like claret,
finally i have found someone in whom i can confide,
entrust my heart without fret or regret.

Here you are now bending your knees in apologies,
with roses in hand and basketful of carnations,
you can't conceal the stench of your wickedness in the
fragrances of carnation and roses.
Flowers from you can no more open the doors of my emotions.

Remember how you sank my heart in the mire,
and my cries to you sounded like a lullaby.
Now it's your turn to go through the same fire,
your retribution has blossomed savor its fragrance.Goodbye.

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Comments

Heart felt poem! In so many of the anthologies of English poetry are so many poems about untrue love. John Donne, Byron, Marvell, so many of the romantics. Welcome to the club!
How sad this love was for you, and you have captured the essence of it very well. There is a great song here "I wanna be around" I think you would enjoy listening to any of the many great recordings. (use "the google")
I think the words and images all work but have a little comment on the last line, which is awkward to me, and little long.. I would consider.

A retribution blossoming to savor my fragrant goodbye.

A lot of soul and feeling went into your poem, and it shows.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Thank you so much sir I really appreciate your comment.

author comment

Nice revisions, I believe your poem was
improved, do you?
Are you aware of how the revisions tab
works? You can click on it and select the
revision you want to compare it too, it is
a really cool feature.

cheers !!

It's indeed a cool feature themoonman, I didn't know what it was all about when you suggested it.I just started using the button.And I do make comparisons which I found out a big changes and difference ,thank you so much ,themoonman.

author comment

Thanks so so much.

author comment

passion and wordcraftsmanship you have all the makings of a fine poet. You already are, you just need to acquaint yourself with the works of the masters by extensive reading. Do not be afraid it will inhibit your originality, rather it will expand your repertoire, enlarge your set of tools, so to speak.

Listen to this gut-wrenchng piece, which is pure lyricism, not poetry, but one of the most powerful things I have ever heard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knTvHRz_qnU

cheers,
Jess
A new incentive for critique, description at
https://www.neopoet.com/community/news/proposal-encouraging-critiquescom...
discussion at
https://www.neopoet.com/forum/23390

Thank you so much sir, I appreciate this so much.
Also thank you for the link you sent I enjoyed the piece "I Want You " (Elvis Costello And The Roots. )

author comment

I want you to say
I wanted you too

your words are astounding
fully of glory
women create
not only for themselves
but for others also
a sad story
they just try
to make life gory

just because some one may have
destroyed their youth
now towards others
they'd love to remain uncouth

Sad is the moment
when some one
who you love betrays
either knowingly or accidentally

I want you to say
I forgive you
instead of
may you equally suffer too

man has a wide/broader heart
all say
women love her man
to such glory display

some day
one day
you also may

One may appear to be unforgiving when an errant lover pleads to come back when you already have a replacement. A beautiful composition, Lovedly.

author comment

is like a coconut
plenty of water and kernel
that's all what makes
Lovedliness

Like magic I compose from poetry's I read
and read few only
if it intrigues
some r epicurial not of my breed

I am Loved by all
so many
1000 REVIEWS elsewhere I get daily
Neopoets
only few
minuscule
like me

So it may seem to you, but I doubt the correctness of your claim.Your poems are read and you are liked.

author comment
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