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Goodbye 2012

GOODBYE 2012 (31/12/12 @15.00)

This interminable, lousy, day is sucking its last breath
When it finally strikes twelve, my clock is done.
Another year, Dear God, another; filled with storms and death.
"TICK_TOCK,"; yet one more mother lost a son.

I tightly shut my eyes and squeeze my hands on ears and mouth
But any way to save some, I don't know
The Northern gales, fringed with my tears, are tearing at my house.
I find exhausted Goldfinch in the snow .

And in Kabul the Landrover has skidded to a halt......
The sergeant, a keen birdwatcher, leans through.
He picks up the Goldfinch carefully, a wonderful result!
For the IED explodes where they were due!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

the relationship between the two scenes is the Goldfinches, but I would exchange these lines like so,

The Northern gales, fringed with my tears, are tearing at my house
I find exhausted Goldfinch in the snow
I tightly close my eyes, and squeeze my hands on ears and mouth
But any way to save them, I don't know

It seems to me, that it makes the story just a little bit smoother. Good work other than that. ~ Geezer

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Your input is valued and appreciated, Geezer, but in this case I wanted to have a series of seemingly unconnected events drawn together by the Goldfinch. I realise it makes for a rather rough narrative but I think it works (almost). Thanks for taking the time to crit the piece.

Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment

Beautiful description of that last moment before 00.00 of 01.01.2013

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on this - I really appreciate the encouragement. 2012 was a really bad year for Western democracy and this one doesn't look any better.

Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment

Way the best NYE poem I've read.

I'd like to see more of your dark side.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

Thanks, Jess. Must try and lighten up !

Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment
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