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Goodbye 2012

GOODBYE 2012 (31/12/12 @15.00)

This interminable, lousy, day is sucking its last breath
When it finally strikes twelve, my clock is done.
Another year, Dear God, another; filled with storms and death.
"TICK_TOCK,"; yet one more mother lost a son.

I tightly shut my eyes and squeeze my hands on ears and mouth
But any way to save some, I don't know
The Northern gales, fringed with my tears, are tearing at my house.
I find exhausted Goldfinch in the snow .

And in Kabul the Landrover has skidded to a halt......
The sergeant, a keen birdwatcher, leans through.
He picks up the Goldfinch carefully, a wonderful result!
For the IED explodes where they were due!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

the relationship between the two scenes is the Goldfinches, but I would exchange these lines like so,

The Northern gales, fringed with my tears, are tearing at my house
I find exhausted Goldfinch in the snow
I tightly close my eyes, and squeeze my hands on ears and mouth
But any way to save them, I don't know

It seems to me, that it makes the story just a little bit smoother. Good work other than that. ~ Geezer

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Your input is valued and appreciated, Geezer, but in this case I wanted to have a series of seemingly unconnected events drawn together by the Goldfinch. I realise it makes for a rather rough narrative but I think it works (almost). Thanks for taking the time to crit the piece.

Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment

Beautiful description of that last moment before 00.00 of 01.01.2013

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on this - I really appreciate the encouragement. 2012 was a really bad year for Western democracy and this one doesn't look any better.

Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment

Way the best NYE poem I've read.

I'd like to see more of your dark side.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
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Thanks, Jess. Must try and lighten up !

Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment
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