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Goodbye

I gave her my heart but she chose to be blind
so I wondered to myself if I've misread the signs
I asked for a chance, my request was denied
I won't prolong this dance, I won't give up my pride

In the silence, I called out her name,
knowing without her, Life won't be the same
but she turned away from me without a care
and left my wounded dignity, stripped bare

Haunted by memories of yesterday,
I closed my eyes and started to pray,
to find the strength and courage,
to take a bow and leave the stage

Picking up the pieces of a broken heart
all my hopes shredded, torn apart
I wiped away all the tears of sorrow
as I looked forward to face tomorrow

I sought her love,
got besotted in her lies,
so I let go My Love
bidding her goodbyes

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Editing stage: 

Comments

When you read it aloud you will notice that there is a need to be consistent with the "tense". especially in 1s stanza where there is a mix of past and present tense. Line 4 of the same stanza you may want to refine for a smoother flow/meter.

How about this suggestion:-

I sought her love,
got besotted in her lies,
so I let go My Love
bidding her adieu

However, the mood and imagery is generally nicely created in the poem.

raj (sublime_ocean)

done some edit but the last line you suggested doesn't rhyme with the second so i changed it to" telling her goodbye": instead

author comment

I had merely suggested, not taking into consideration the "rhyme" which is truly not my forte. Even if we take rhyme into consideration "bidding her goodbyes" would perhaps be a better choice. This is because 1. we bid someone goodbye, rather than tell and 2, goodbyes could rhyme better with lies

Again just a friendly suggestion

raj (sublime_ocean)

i'll return later to check for any other need for change. gonna sleep now

Alid

author comment
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