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I gave her my heart but she chose to be blind
so I wondered to myself if I've misread the signs
I asked for a chance, my request was denied
I won't prolong this dance, I won't give up my pride

In the silence, I called out her name,
knowing without her, Life won't be the same
but she turned away from me without a care
and left my wounded dignity, stripped bare

Haunted by memories of yesterday,
I closed my eyes and started to pray,
to find the strength and courage,
to take a bow and leave the stage

Picking up the pieces of a broken heart
all my hopes shredded, torn apart
I wiped away all the tears of sorrow
as I looked forward to face tomorrow

I sought her love,
got besotted in her lies,
so I let go My Love
bidding her goodbyes

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


When you read it aloud you will notice that there is a need to be consistent with the "tense". especially in 1s stanza where there is a mix of past and present tense. Line 4 of the same stanza you may want to refine for a smoother flow/meter.

How about this suggestion:-

I sought her love,
got besotted in her lies,
so I let go My Love
bidding her adieu

However, the mood and imagery is generally nicely created in the poem.

raj (sublime_ocean)

done some edit but the last line you suggested doesn't rhyme with the second so i changed it to" telling her goodbye": instead

author comment

I had merely suggested, not taking into consideration the "rhyme" which is truly not my forte. Even if we take rhyme into consideration "bidding her goodbyes" would perhaps be a better choice. This is because 1. we bid someone goodbye, rather than tell and 2, goodbyes could rhyme better with lies

Again just a friendly suggestion

raj (sublime_ocean)

i'll return later to check for any other need for change. gonna sleep now


author comment
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