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A Good Target (primal poetry #3)

One and a half hour
Listening to the drumming
Deep relaxation
Vague countenance
Woman’s lips
Softly blowing at my face
Deep relaxation
By a poolside
White and blue
If these vagaries only connected
Perhaps a story
They would tell
But pull me back
The drumming of relaxation
Deep and warm
Refreshing the spirit within

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Last few words: 
Images or pop up dreams by the loads in the first 15 minutes this time. In the end I could only recall 2 vividly though.
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

Relaxing with the primal drum is shown in the calmness of this poem. Imagery is seductive and leaves a lot to the primal imagination. I want to be in this poem too because I need the relaxation tonight. Maybe I should listen to the drumbeat for awhile. I love what you've done here refreshing the spirit within. Thanks for sharing a great poem.

B9Pat

I go from deep relaxation to dipping in and out of dreams. The drum beat keeps pulling me back from falling asleep I believe. So after an hour and a half of that, and the longer it goes the less dream 'dipping' occurs, you can bet that I am good and refreshed. I'm still not sure if this is where I am supposed to be taken though. More ..need more lol
Later,

~Mark~

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author comment

You've done terrific work in this 'shop.

You're clearly ready for stage 2.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

A pleasant read, a bit of a tease as it names snippets of images, then changes tack. Nice, I'll be back for more.

Thanks for reading.

Hope it makes us all better writers

Pie

You are welcomed to study this workshop:
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/primal-poetry
It may be too far along for anyone to catch up with at this point in time but it could help you understand this and other poems that are evolving out of this workshop. Reading the description and understanding the workshop structure could be valuable in your future here on Neo. It is a unique workshop and for your future reference all members are welcomed in Neopoet workshops.
I agree on the snippets, it was frustrating in a way that I could not 'go' with any of them. They were not written to tease but rather they just popped up in my mind while sinking into deep relaxation which was what the first part of the workshop was about.
Later,

~Mark~

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author comment
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