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Good Guys Lose

Good guys always lose the fight
because they hesitate to pull the trigger
it don't take rocket science to figure
it ain't easy to put out the light.

Bad guys always lose cos they spend
time gloating and telling their story
of how clever they are, all spattered and gory
till the writer works out the proper end.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Just wonder if this might be worth expanding. Came out of my head as is.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Bad guys always lose the battle
but I can't think of a rhyme for battle.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Rattle , prattle atlatl, cattle, sprattle, any of these help?

I like the theme! although in my experience, the bad guys seem to make out better in the end. but they lose in the dignity and honor columns, in my book. I think this is worth expanding on. rhymes for battle: cattle, rattle, prattle and tattle are ones that come to mind. (and saddle)

ps
I'll fix my entry in an hour. thanks :)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

it's only writers that tend to insist on happy endings with the good guys winning (depending on who you're barracking for. I tend to be on the side of Eddy Styx, Alex Machette and their ilk). Hmmm, I'll wait for a bit more feedback to see if I need to make that point more clearly. I prefer writing short, haikus and limericks and stuff, if I can still say what I need to. The 3 things I wanted to say here are why good guys hesitate to kill, why bag guys do and what writers do.

Prattle is good, and tattle, I can work with that, thanks.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

sorry for the misunderstanding. another good rhyming word is: addle

eddy says hi and hello to Alex,

;) Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

I wrote it, it's up to me to make sure you get it.

[Alex looks round like a startled meerkat]
Who named my name?

Uhoh, now you've done it, Cat!

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

who is good
and
who is bad

how can you see
with closed eyes
you smell well

as any of your comments

oh, you forgot to wave your hands and say "look at me! look at me! read my poems!"

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment
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