Who first called these the golden years,
some bard still in his youth?
If he lived to be my golden age,
he’d know the woeful truth.

You get a slowness to your gait,
your memory’s not so great,
your ears start getting longer with each day.
You can’t chew, you can’t screw,
minor bumps turn black and blue.
and your hair gets grey and slowly goes away.

You lose strength and muscle mass
while adding inches to your ass,
and your belly starts to look a lot like Buddha’s.
Your skin gets thin and spotty,
you barely make it to the potty
and your manly pecs turn into saggy boobs

Your eyes start getting squinty
they’re no longer twenty/twenty,
and your hearing leaves a lot to be desired.
Your joints get sore and achy
your balance somewhat shaky
‘cause your “good-to” date has long ago expired.

Sing praises of the Golden Years?
I think I’ll take a pass.
As for me the Golden Years
can kiss my senior …. my senior …
Did I mention memory loss?