Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

God's Diary, January 20000 BC - Seven Holy Haiku

Monday 1st January, 20000 BC

Started work today
The oceans were quite hard graft
Went for a nice swim
_____

Tuesday 2nd January, 20000 BC

I invented fish
No fire yet so ate them raw
Got a tummy ache
_____

Wednesday 3rd January, 20000 BC

Dry land was harder
But I managed it OK
Ate another fish
_____

Thursday 4th January, 20000 BC

Lots of fun with fire
Managed to fry a haddock
Burned fingers badly
_____

Friday 5th January, 20000 BC

Totally busy day
Animals took me ages
Had steak for supper
_____

Saturday 6th January, 20000 BC

Invented people
They have a will of their own
And they fuck a lot
_____

Sunday 7th January, 20000 BC

Feeling tired now
I'm done with all my labours
Time for a good kip
_____

Memo to myself: stop writing fucking haiku.

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Wonderfully witty and I would hope the Godists had a grin too!!

Obi.

"Godists" is a good word. I nornmally call them godsquad or bible-bashers. But "godist" is nice. How about "godomisers"?

Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

understand the use of the word [graft] in the line "The oceans were quite hard graft". Could you explain?
I actually enjoyed this one. ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

Hard Work. Origin is C19, British informal. Hard graft therefore = VERY hard work indeed.

Pleased you liked it.
.

Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

I thought it had something to do with work. Funny, how a word like that can show up the differences in the dialect of a standard language. ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

Preferred "graft".,,, added a little colour ?!?!

Obi.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.