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God be with you

I'll fight you in the morning
At Hastings by the sea;
I'll fight you without warning,
My god may be with me.
I'll battle here at Battle,
By hell! I'll take you on,
You'll here my sabre rattle
And witness my foes gone.

I'll fight you here at Waterloo
For I have cannons now;
I'll take all comers, two by two,
My god is near, I vow.
This battlefield is not my home
Though I'll take it just the same;
I'll exercise my right to roam
And play the combat game.

I'll fight you here in Flanders' fields
I've sworn a deadly oath;
I'll fight you where the poppies grow,
My god created both.
I'll chase you back where you belong
And kill some on the way;
I'll do it be it right or wrong,
And prevail this bloody day.

I'll fight you here above the trees
As I have learned to fly;
I'll bring my rival to his knees,
You'll see! my god and I.
I'll smother you in fire and flame,
I'll bomb you from the air;
I'll ravage you, it's all the same,
My god and I don't care.

I'll fight you here in paradise,
You're sure to get here soon;
Crusading where it's twice as nice,
I'll dance my battle tune.
I'll blitz you till you turn to sand
And ebb you with the tide;
And I will sit at his right hand,
For god is on my side.

ASJ

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

the absolutely unrelenting irony makes it sound un-ironical!

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thank you for commenting Jess. I listen to what you say. I can't, though, work out if you mean good or bad. Do you think I should shred it? Do you think it offends? I wrote it following a conversation with a witness of Jehovah here in the UK.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment

Fuck me dead, I thought you might be serious because it is so first person.
It is, of course serious but it's the Jehovah's Witlesses and ilk we have to worry about, not you.

Let's hear what other people think.
Good or bad, I can't say. It is certainly affective and effective but in the way you intended?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

it was irony and that you were saying that there are those that are so sure that their god is on their side; that they are not afraid to fight anyone at anytime. Oh, the wars that have been fought for religious oppression and freedom. "Love my god or die!" "Fuck your god, you die!" As for offending, like I said; Fuck your god, you die! I cannot believe that an all-loving, omnipresent god would want a forced worship! Your title is good, it ties in nicely with the theme. The language is clear and easily understood
[if not the intent]. It flows well from beginning to end. As for logic?...
~ Geezer.
.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

Geezer as I am sure that you know what you are talking about. As for logic ~ Mr. Churchill thought god was on his side and so did Adolf ~ So did Mr. Truman and so did Emp. Hirohito. The only one who didn't think god was on his side was the late JC (and, of course, myself).

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment

have any evidence to support the idea that I know what I am talking about, but I am glad that you have confidence in me. I have definite issues with most organized religious sects. I m only guessing, but I think that there have been little adjustments made here and there, due to someone's preferences.
~ Geezer.
.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

I just put in a couple of commas that I missed out. The only reaction so far is that it is terrifying.
Hope to hear what people think though, any which way.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment

and I'm always reminded on the moment in the D day movies when some Nazi laments "Sometimes i wonder whose side god is on".
Today we have make believe wars, paint ball and an endless offering of insanely violent films and video games. Why can't we stop making war? Is it that conflict is at the very core of all life? And this is the grand plan of Jehovah? No plan B? The god we invented is even more jealous than the pagans. "You will have no other god before me" Gangsta god. We need a different model.

Your poem exists in irony. It is well composed. It is an easy read. But it does not expand outside an anit-war cliche.. I like the poem, but as Cummings put it "pity this monster manunkind" ..."there's a hell of a good universe next door: lets go". Perhaps if you went there just a little you could add some redemption to this sorry state. as an example, here's the take by Bob Dylan:

Oh, my name, it ain't nothin', my age, it means less
The country I come from is called the Midwest
I's taught and brought up there, the laws to abide
And that the land that I live in has God on its side

Oh, the history books tell it, they tell it so well
The cavalries charged, the Indians died
Oh, the country was young
With God on its side

The Spanish-American War had its day
And the Civil War too was soon laid away
And the names of the heroes I was made to memorize
With guns in their hands and God on their side

The First World War, boys, it came and it went
The reason for fighting I never did get
But I learned to accept it, accept it with pride
For you don't count the dead when God's on your side

The Second World War came to an end
We forgave the Germans and then we were friends
Though they murdered six million, in the ovens they fried
The Germans now too have God on their side

I learned to hate the Russians all through my whole life
If another war comes, it's them we must fight
To hate them and fear them, to run and to hide
And accept it all bravely with God on my side

But now we got weapons of chemical dust
If fire them we're forced to, then fire them we must
One push of the button and a shot the world wide
You never ask questions when God's on your side

Through many a dark hour I been thinkin' about this
That Jesus Christ was betrayed by a kiss
But I can't think for you, you'll have to decide
Whether Judas Iscariot had God on his side

So now as I'm leavin', I'm weary as hell
The confusion I'm feelin' ain't no tongue can tell
The words fill my head and they fall to the floor
That if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

for your comprehensive comment. I have read some of your work and consider you to be a fine poet. I am studying your 'Early Autumn' at the moment with respect to your longer line structure and am enjoying myself with it.
The ultimate line in Dylan's song shows that god failed to stop the next war and that the words did, indeed, fall to the floor. The protagonist in my poem will go on and on, even in death. If someone reads my poem in a hundred years nothing will have changed (why would it? nothing has changed since 1066 when my story kicks in!). It is easy to find an excuse to go to war ~ not so to prevent one.
I am humbled that you like my write, the word count in your comment box tells me that you are sincere.

Ex animo

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment

It is very humbling to have one's work described as 'magnificent'. That doesn't happen to me very often. Your kind words have taught me to have a little pride and (I hope) a little class.
I have writ a few such poems and have been described as 'high voltage' and so I posted one as my 9th. effort on this site. I didn't want to come blasting in with my first poem and be shown the door.
It is good to meet you Mark and I hope we can trade words often.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment

many people to the door! We are very tolerant in most things here. There are a few subjects that we cannot abide. That being child-porn, personal assault on character for their religious beliefs or politics and the like. I don't see a problem with anything you have posted. Of course, there are times that someone will get under another's skin, but fortunately, most often, we can work it out. ~ Geezer.
.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

Neopoet is a good place to be. I enjoy trading views and, as one get's used to the way other neopoets write commenting becomes easier and more enjoyable. I hope to say much

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment
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