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To the Girl in the Gallery

I want to take you to the centre of the thousand little statues
and make love above their watching eyes.
I want to take you round the gallery,
show me your feelings,
and I'll show you mine.
I want to take you to my dingy room
and make love on the floor,
under the naked globe.
I want to take you.
I want to ask you your name.
I want to take you to my friends
and see you shy or sparkling.
I want you to take me to your friends
and see you proud or shamed.
I want to love you and teach you and feed on you.
I want you to love me and want me and stay with me.
I want you to use me and tire of me.
I want to hold on silently pleading,
knowing not knowing its all over.
I want you to hurt me and leave me and come back
and hurt me and leave me and come back
and hurt me and leave me and come back
until you are finally really gone.
I want to hurt and cry
and want to die.
Then I want to go to the gallery, again.
Jess, Sept. '95

Editing stage: 

Comments

Jess this u composed when you wanted it more than poetry in 1995

Since so much water has flowed
down
Thames and Mississippi
(in Aussie land have you any such rivers in Down Under .. I wonder may have to google it but later...)

I hope you never did leave her wanting
nor I also do hope you left her
for more to want
all women have faces and paces
as their time ages
some want more
and some say I want
no more

But as you are a man
all know
man always it! wants
ere his last day in hospice
he wants a last ejaculatory piss..
isn't it

in heaven no washroom there is...

lived this....
a hard bargain road
thinking of those that went to Spain
that could
or france
my older friends who did this in
the seventies
true wealthy bohemians
they discovered me at Twiggs a coffee shop
and then the repoire in the mall
or a honk and wave on our city
streets
the shy smiles at the check out
Im the forever flirt
that was crushed in upbringing
the hurt like a downed line
flickering and twisting like
a serpent with its bite

thank U!

to many "I want" to many come "come back"

it reads to me, if we remove everything else " I want to come, back!!"
very sexual isn't it. The true feelings of the write are lost to, I want, come back.
it sounds like begging, not like questions or statements.
That's how I see it. A re-write is needed.
If this was your intent, then forget all I said...

Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

I get it. Love it. Want to live it. Wish I had thought of it. In fact, I may have to go find a gallery (inviting my wife there, of course).

Scott

Your rhetorics of repetition gave to the piece some tumescence of the subtle soliloquies conjoined with sr of detailing the derail of love lost that is acceptable given the voice of diminuendo , the poet in the poem is less lyrical becos where ate the colorant of the figures of speech e

it did sound rather antagonistic, please be more specific.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
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author comment

Your write contained too many wants, but as the wants became more insistent, it was acceptable.
I would have loved a good ending where you wanted life but as the whole write tailed off into that last look around and wanting to die, the write became good.
I remember long ago 1972-3 there was a guy at where I was working he started calling out she's alive, it ended up driving us nuts, I told him I would write a piece about it and have it published.
This piece is near the same theme as he called from the past, I will find it:- Found it but it is much too long for this reply I will post to stream, take care of you my friend and know that we are walking with you each day,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

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