Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

That Girl

Look at her so beautiful and tall​
long hair the color of fall​

she walks long stride after stride​
and on her face is a look of pride​

I look in the mirror at that ugly girl​
the one who's hair doesn't curl​

when I walk it's without confidence​
I walk in fear and in defense​

My shoulders slump, my head falls low​
my stride is also kinda slow​

where did that pretty girl go?​
we look around but she won't show​

she sat with friends a smile on her face​
while I run home like I’m in a race​

that girl who always said hello​
was someone that I used to know

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I wrote this poem about my BFF. She was always a beautiful and confident girl that i looked up to. Ever since she dumped her boyfriend because he was cheating on her she has been different. It was almost like she was a different person.

Vivi
(Love hanging with my family of poets)

author comment

I've done a really small edit for you, to see what it can look and sound like, have a careful look.

This could be a song, did you realize? Its really good. i love your descriptions of the two girls

might be that this girl is feeling a bit sad at losing her first love, maybe just having a conversation may help you both. sometimes subjects are hard but if you are truly bbf you can both share thoughts and help eachother? thats what i did when i was young, i live far from home now, but i still have my bbf. i hope you like this edit?

Look at her so beautiful and tall
long hair the color of fall

she walks long stride after stride
and on her face is a look of pride

I look in the mirror at that ugly girl
the one who's hair doesn't curl

when I walk it's without confidence
I walk in fear and in defense

My shoulders slump, my head falls low
my stride is also kinda slow

where did that pretty girl go?
we look around but she won't show

she sat with friends a smile on her face
while I run home like I’m in a race

that girl who always said hello
was someone that I used to know

I admire your poems they are real.

Thank you...Teddy

I am so proud of the way you have reached out to your poem, I am so proud of what you have done, you have reached out as a real poetess and as a friend of neopoet. You also understood the notes were.not needed. I as a poetess am proud of you this evening. Never ever be affraid to listen and never ever be affraid to challenge ok?

Ps use a full stop at the last word .

Thank you...Teddy

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.