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A Ghostly Dream

Last night I was visited
by lost boys, I once knew.
Long ago when we were young
their lives were spent too soon.

Taken by a wicked war
the ground soaked with their red
while a government's only interest
was in the counting of the dead.

In my dream their specter
was a ghostly grey and white
all that was left of how
they suffered from the fight.

Then, one boy, I recognized
stepped forward close to me
in vivid living colors
I remembered him instantly.

We embraced and he spoke his name
then suddenly he stepped back again
to stand together with his combat crew
forever to remain in their ghostly hue

Two more came forward.
In total there were three.
The last one's name was Paul
I remembered him personally.

It was his life that was sacrificed
just before that ghastly fall.

Quietly...

I dropped my head in their honor
let my tears soak the sheets,
still saddened by my certainty
of the lies told by evil minds
they who sent those boys there
never cared if they lived or died.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Original writing 1977 / This version ©2017
Editing stage: 

Comments

I soooo wanted this to rhyme all the way through! Not that the free verse isn't any good, it most certainly is! But, after rhyming at least half the way through, it took me by surprise to suddenly go to free verse. I think you wanted to rhyme all the way too; but got so caught up im what you were saying, that you went narrative! I like almost everything about this one; the story, the language and the way it progressed logically from beginning to end. ~ Geezer.
.

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I appreciate your critique, however, my intention was to switch to narrative because I thought the abrupt change would jar the reader enough to understand this "Dream" was about events of the past brought forward into the present because the horror of that memory lives on and will never be forgotten. A change of style in the middle of a poem is always a risk. I get that.
Thank you for your critique.

Marthalyn

author comment

get my attention! I understand the intent now, but... Awwww, I just wanted it to keep rhyming! Thanks for sharing, ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

The title is appropriate as you bring past memories to life.

your language is very good, from reading your poems I see you have a way with words.

the pacing was superb, there were no superfluousness passages in the narrative.

Is the internal logic consistent? Could not be more so.

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

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