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Garrote

He's a Jealous creature,
tearing his heart out
it gnaws at his innards

Tormented, stalked by insecurity.
and bonds he can't escape,
a garrote for his neck.

The ugly side of love
rears its poisonous head

He lashes out verbal intensity
Words slashing
like razor blades.
Lacerating her affection

Suffocation won't keep her close
The tighter he squeezes,
The more likely escape.

Punch drunk
and dazed by emotion,
he needs to lay this burden down,

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

thanks

love lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Your tweaks have unproved it, but prefer to say verbal intensity rather than attacks and prefer lacerating to murdering.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

"All opinion is valid as long as you truly believe it, so have the courage of your own convictions

loved

I am an emotional woman .

Love Lou xx

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

I enjoy this immensely.

I know many men who at one time or another have been this thing you illustrate so vividly, and more than a few who have regreted.

The only suggestion that I have is that on the last line of the fifth stanza, I read "the" instead of "a".

Thanks for posting this.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Unfortunately I know the type.

Glad you like it.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment
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