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Game Up

You played a game;
You thought me dumb;
You dumped your blame;
You checked my pulse;

I'm knocked down, but not out;
I'm ready, for another round;

You examined, my quieting thoughts,
You looked for signs of life;
In your face, like a rock,
I'm ready to fight, a ball of fire;

Lurking in my soul, there's a beast;
Protecting my heart, healing peace;

Style / type: 
Free verse
Last few words: 
Mild on the outside hot on the inside
Editing stage: 

Comments

beautiful expression.

A few tiny quibbles-
if one is down for the count in boxing one is out.
Perhaps something like
I'm knocked down but not knocked out
a bit of over punctuation
You examined[,] my quieting thoughts,
lovely line
You found[,] me hot and bothered; [the phrase ' hot and bothered' usually has sexual connotations, is that what you mean?]
Lurking in my soul[,] there's a beast;

Great use of contrasting, paradoxical even, imagery to effect.

Good one. Your poetic voice just grows and grows.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

I'll work on the suggestions
I've had years of training from you guys

*The Collaboration Poetry Workshop
Eternal Renga
Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry
All Neopoet members are welcome to join in the round robin fun.
Collaboration Poetry Workshop

author comment

to critique after Jess. I do agree with everything he has said and can not find anything else to say, other than I like it! ~ Gee.
.

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Thanks
Glad you like I'll certainly work on the lil quibbles

*The Collaboration Poetry Workshop
Eternal Renga
Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry
All Neopoet members are welcome to join in the round robin fun.
Collaboration Poetry Workshop

author comment

But a wolverine
after our rows
business
why Wolvering I asked
'because they take all on'
we sharpen our edges
and fang and claw

mists and lava

Your works I admire
greatly

Thank You Barbara!

Mr W

Always a pleasure to hear from you.

*The Collaboration Poetry Workshop
Eternal Renga
Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry
All Neopoet members are welcome to join in the round robin fun.
Collaboration Poetry Workshop

author comment
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