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Galaxy

Submitted by Apostolos "Paul... on Mon, 2012-03-26 02:29

From her balcony window she stares
Into a night sky filled of wishing stars
She refuses to give up on fairy tales

She turns to me, and asks can you read poetry
That would take one to a dreamer’s galaxy
My passion awoke as words danced on the page
She said read till my soul finds wings in your words

I kept reading for the girl infatuated with dreams
Her tears, moved mountains and her smile saved souls
In a whispering voice she said, oh can’t you see
How were flying on passion in a poet’s galaxy

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

Barbara Writes

Mon, 2012-03-26 03:39

lovely Paul

I felt I was there watching on as the girl turn to you asking you to write this poem

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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Apostolos "Paul...

Mon, 2012-03-26 18:32

thanks

barbara for stopping by

author comment

Apostolos "Paul...

Mon, 2012-03-26 18:33

thanks

wise words lonnie

author comment

Candlewitch

Mon, 2012-03-26 12:12

Dear Paul,

How were flying on passion in a poet’s galaxy

a typo? were = we're?

otherwise, this poem is enchanting! beautifully executed. I hope you have such wonderful moments in your life!

always, Cat

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Apostolos "Paul...

Mon, 2012-03-26 18:34

thanks for stopping by

cat

author comment

weirdelf

Wed, 2012-03-28 04:01

Ok, it's a good poem.

I would like you to try writing in plain English. Your poetry doesn't speak like people do. It's like you have a mission to teach the world or impose your pain on others.

Read Bukowski. Try writing like a normal bloke. Your meaning will reach more people and mean more to them.

I know you have reasons for writing like you do but let me give you an example.

I have a friend who loves cats. She wanted to paint cats. She took art lessons and refused to paint or sketch skulls, portraits, landscapes, she only wanted to paint cats. But learning to paint skulls, portraits, landscapes would have taught her to paint cats better.

You will be a better poet if you broaden your range.

cheers,
Jess
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Galaxy