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The Funeral

Dressed in all black
Shrouded by lamentation,
Everyone’s dressed accordingly
Except it’s no celebration.
My father throws the first fistful of dirt
Then me and my sister follow,
Attendees’ privy
Bound by loss and sorrow.
Our nails dirties and cheeks wet,
My grandfathers beside himself-
A sight I’ll never forget.
In loving memory,
the gravestone reads,
In years to come we’ll join her
The only witnesses left will be the weeds.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

it is very nice to meet you, welcome to the Neopoet poetry site! if you have any questions please ask me and I will do my level best to answer. if I can't, then we will find someone who can.

in this line: Our nails (dirties) and cheeks wet, try (dirty) instead.

your poem is very heartfelt and it moved me to read it. it is hard to lose a loving mother at any age. the pain in this poem is well expressed. my favorite lines are:

Dressed in all black
Shrouded by lamentation,
Everyone’s dressed accordingly
Except it’s no celebration.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

like the the emotion that tis is written with. For me, the lines that stand out most are; "In years we'll come to join her".
"The only witnesses left will be the weeds" Personally, I eould leave out the word [only] but that might just be me. Nice work; Welcome to Neopoet. I look forward to reading more of you. ~ Geezer.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

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