Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Frustrated zombie

Please stop running!
Don't you know how hard it is
to move in rotting skin?
Its so damn frustrating!!

Its not fair, I tell you
I only need your brain to feed
but I can't have a fill
coz you have the speed!

Can't someone help me?
My right eye popped out again
I hate these wriggly worms,
they are driving me insane

I wanted to scream
but it came out as a groan.
It's pathetic, I must admit
my real voice is long gone

I'm the slowest of the monsters
walking , crawling aimlessly
I'm one hungry predator
I'm the frustrated zombie

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


this is for everyone!

author comment

Firstly let me say this is enjoyable as is. But there are some things I'd have done differently :
stanza 1
line 2. Please stop running turns it into more of a plea than an order
line 2 change "do"to don't
stanza 2
line 2 I only need your brain to feed the "only" suggests that eating a brain is a minor thing and dropping the S in brains directs the statement to a single victim
stanza 3
line 1 change "Can" to can't makes it more of a plea again
stanza 4
line 1 and 2 either wanted and came or want and comes. As is the tense disagrees
** I'd have tried to work in something about trying to scream with either a half rotten or missing tongue but that's just me
stanza 5
line 1 try I'm the slowest of the monsters might add a bit more clarity that you are comparing self to monsters other than zombies.

It's a new thing to me trying to critique a poem written tongue in cheek. And if Any of these suggestions don't fit in with something you intend to convey just toss them out...........stan

I like it.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program

Thanks for the comments and the visit. Much appreciated.


author comment
(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.