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The Frozen Verge

On the frozen verge of land and water
my footsteps ring upon the empty sands
Where the wind touches my face with laughter

Warmth of home beckons with promise of shelter
yet pleasure is held in these open hands
on the frozen verge of land and water

For cold gives old father sun no quarter
and empties all the throngs from summer lands
where the wind touches my face with laughter

No thick crowds now crush and make feet falter
no more park rangers smug their dumb demands
On the frozen verge of land and water

Just the quiet sway of oak and alder
rising up from the dunes in lonely stands
Where the wind touches my face with laughter

Here is where I find the sacred altar
to chant the prayers my filling heart commands
On the frozen verge of land and water
Where the wind touches my face with laughter

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
A villanelle. I decided to take someone's opinion of what we're doing here to heart, and challenge myself.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Can't find any faults

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Thanks very much for reading, I appreciate it.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

...you awake in our spirits, we dwell with you in awesome silence,
the silence of nature's own Winter whispers and sudden cracks,
the whole becomes a whole so undisturbed by tread and mass of people,
and there within this cool you spread your net of words
and decorate the pool, the lake, the edge of water in its frosty wake.

Loved every word of it and the patterns of them spelling the rhythms
of the wilds. Love Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

LOL thank you so much for yur comment, as graceful as ever.
The lake is in reality an inland sea, Lake Michigan.
I pray more during the winter months; there are less people to interfere! heehee.

Glad that you enjoyed this.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Yes, it's my favorite too. I was out on the lakeshore this morning at dawn, and smiled.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Thanks for enjoying...hurry up and finish the villanelle so I can see it!

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Thanks for your read and opinion.
sink/sand: Upon review I think that you are right, so I made a change.
"Empty sands" refers to dunes, named further in the poem.

"touches" I leave in, for it's tactile sensation: close your eyes the next time there is wind upon your face, and see what I mean!

"open hands" ...is how I always pray, in acceptance of what is given me.

Thanks again Amal, I appreciate your help.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment
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