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Freedom [Sunku]
A kite
flying high
guided by string
a bird
soaring skies
in high spirits
spellbound
i wonder
what is freedom
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Wed, 2018-07-25 03:05
When fall
when fall
the free leaves
endlessly tour
the sun
rises with
alacrity
we watch
the changes
with acceptance.
Not sure if this even qualifes as a sunku. Just some thohghts scribbled as I read your lovely works my friend.
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raj
Tue, 2018-07-24 14:06
a nice Sunku you have created
a nice Sunku you have created Rula...it mostly meets the criteria except in third line of stanza 1 which is 5 syllables instead of 4.
An essential aesthetic part of Sunku is also to not give away the message directly but make the reader think and draw conclusion. This is one area which I am trying to work on like I have tried to do here in third stanza of this sunku by questioning how exactly to perceive freedom by citing two examples in S1 & S2....S1 about material freedom ...S2 about spiritual freedom
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentRula
Wed, 2018-07-25 03:12
Thank you raj I edited
that line.
Reading the subtext makes this form an original one. It requires a talented author and reader as well.
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raj
Wed, 2018-07-25 04:55
Good edit Rula
Good edit Rula
................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author comment