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Freedom

It's like a new year where I proclamate not to drink
Someone passed me by and made me think
He had said you done so well
You were clean 11 years before you fell
Told me get right up and do it again
He spoke to me with encouragement like a real true friend
It meant a lot to me
Helped me stop realize, wake up open my eyes and see
Sometimes all it takes is encouragement and it's like a pat on the back
Stop drinking, stay away from the dope sac
Words of encouragement get back on the right track
Let go of what's an added problem and face the fact
Thank you for planting that seed
And because of that it will grow big and I will be freed

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

your poem has touched my heart today, I have done a small edit to show you how this could become even more beautiful.
i love poems that reach out and are positive, I know many people with these same problems. it speak loud and proud.
to except a hand and a voice from someone is in itself a remarkable ahcievement.

It's like new year, where I promise not to drink
a passerby made me think
He said, you done so well
You were clean eleven years, before you fell

Told me get right up and do it again
He spoke to me with encouragement
like a real true friend
It meant a lot to me

Helped me stop and realize,
wake up, open my eyes and see
Sometimes all it takes is kindness
and it's like a pat on the back
Stop drinking, stay away from the dope sac

Words of encouragement,
get back on the right track
Let go of what's an added problem
and face the fact

Thank you for planting that seed
And because of that,
it will grow big and I will be freed.

theres a truly wonderful wisdome in here. Of course this is a just an edit so feel free to pass it by. A big welcome to neopoet.

Thank you...Teddy

Thank you so mmuch for taking the time to help me. I will surly take your advice and redo my poem. many thanks and respect go to you, from, poetknowit

author comment

Yes Teddy saw the issue in a very good edit!!
Outside of content is craft. You need to control the pace and rhythm of every line, place you accents so they push the beat along. Not all lines need be the same but they have to form a whole. Some poets use indenting longer lines to break them up so they don’t interrupt the flow.
I would follow Teddy’s lead ..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

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