Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Free Spririt

Bold of spirit, true of heart,
strength of mind, a place to start.
Striving onwards, look not back,
gaining always what you lack.
Forage in an empty room,
return again to mother's womb.
Searching in an open field,
finding more than life can yield.
Remembering only surface knowledge,
digging deeper, finding courage.
Worry not, for in your hands,
lies the power to understand.
Come to the plane of the knowing,
be engulfed by the sphere of truth.
Keep your free spirit a flowing,
don't seek the material truth.
Fly like the gulls over oceans,
be calm as the sky at night.
Be devoid of any hindering notions,
and prepare for the land of the light.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I wrote this 36 years ago, I was 24 at the time. Looking at all the old stuff brings back memories, good and bad. Mostly seems like childish ramblings now!
Editing stage: 

Comments

A great welcome to Neopoet, good to see someone else has many bits from a few years ago lol.
We have many workshops here and some may be a great use to you.
I have bits I call them from when I was 15 some I tweak up to modernise them.
Anyway a good write there and I look forward to many more,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Thanks Ian, looking forward to some workshops! Joan

author comment

A pleasure, and for you to reply so soon is great it makes commenting worth it,
Take care and if you need anything just shout,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

I think your poem is amazing! It's exactly the style that I'd like to master! Excellent!

Best,
Laura

Wow thanks Laura! I was taken aback by your comment. Certainly gives me courage to start writing again! Joan

author comment

very good poetry.
Whilst there are a few minor flaws of scansion they can easily be fixed. I will go into details with suggestions if you would like.
I am utterly intrigued to see what you write now, with 30 years of life, experience and (hopefully) wisdom [grins] in between.
I posted my first poem "The Wave", written at age 12 here https://www.neopoet.com/node/3543
You already have great worcraftsmanship so, no pressure, but I expect great things.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thanks Jess,
I would appreciate some suggestions. I have loved poetry since childhood, but have never done workshops etc. Hopefully I will improve as time goes on.
Joan

author comment

HWelcome! I wonder if it will be better if you break this piece into stanzas instead of just one. It kinda looks like a word atm to me (just my opinion, not sure about the rest). Still, I must agree its well-written.

Alid

Welcome! I wonder if it will be better if you break this piece into stanzas instead of just one. It kinda looks like a word atm to me (just my opinion, not sure about the rest). Still, I must agree its well-written.

Alid

Thanks alid. Good point! I guess it just came out of my head that way at the time.
Thanks joan

author comment

Hello and Welcome to Neopoet Joan

I can't believe you wrote this poem written 36 ears ago and call it as a rambling which it certainly is not...if that is rambling...i should hide my face because i do not write even half as good as you do...we have a lot to look forward to for your poems which you would be posting...

I only felt that you could have split the poem into 4 verse stanzas...may be you have a reason for not doing so...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thanks raj. Im not really sure why its not either. But maybe ill split it into stanzas now! Looking forward to reading your poems
joan

author comment

After reading this poem and last few words about it, I read your profile Joan which tells me that you have lot of poetry within you awaiting release after a long gap of not writing being caught up with life's ways....so let it bubble out now with no holds barred...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Hopefully raj, hopefully!

author comment

We have some very skillful poets from your land, Judyanne, Weirdelf (Jess), Jayne, to name a few.. at leisure read their poems and you will know why I say this....looks like there is one more from down under ready to take wings here...

Warm regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

I have started reading the poems on this site, so much talent!
Joan

author comment

that's nice of you to say. On behalf of their writers, I thank you.

Alid

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.